Grace’s death is tragic – but you have to let your kids go

HeR words are too heartbreaking to bear. By videolink to a new Zealand court from her essex home, the mother of murdered backpacker Grace Millane told the psychopath who killed her daughter: ‘You have ripped a hole in my heart.’

Bravely, she went on: ‘The terror and pain she must have experienced at your hands . . . as a mother I would have done anything to change places with her. She died terrified and alone in a room with you.’

The murderer was sentenced to life in prison.

Yet Gillian Millane and her family have their own unimaginable life sentence. even today she still sprays her child’s perfume in her bedroom.

When Grace embarked on her gap year aged 21, her mum and dad, like so many parents, would have been filled with apprehension. As they waved goodbye to their darling child setting out on her life’s first great solo adventure, they would have been offering last-minute tips — keep your mobile phone charged, check in daily by text, be wary of strangers, don’t do anything stupid.

never in their worst nightmares could they have anticipated what was going to happen. After Grace met a man through the dating app Tinder, the couple downed shots together in a bar in Auckland. he made her feel so comfortable and safe she texted a friend to tell her she had ‘clicked with him so well’.

So much so that she went back to his hotel bedroom. And it was there, less than 24 hours after they’d met, that he snuffed out her life — strangled her then dumped her body in a shallow grave.

Grace was a university graduate, bright, full of life, trust and enthusiasm — all qualities we wish for in our children.

Many will ask why she ever put her trust in internet dating. But why wouldn’t she? Millions of people, young and old, use dating apps all the time. Some four million Brits are registered on Tinder alone.

Yes, her death is a tragic lesson in the perils of internet dating, and the most brutal reminder that there are rules to help keep you safe: always meet in a public place, don’t go home with him or to his hotel room, don’t get drunk.

But it also tells us that no amount of caution or advice can equip a child for the randomness of human cruelty. And this is a fact that Grace’s family accept with such dignity — and generosity. In the midst of their grief soon after she was killed, they said they would not want her murder to ‘deter even one person from going out in the world and discovering their own unique overseas experience’.

In other words, mothers and fathers should issue their wise words of warning — but they have to let their children go.