Hang up your phone now and listen to me

I have a mission: I must purge The world of this most modern scourge. The mobile phone is such a curse And all the time it’s getting worse. The ringtones really are absurd A growl or silly squawk is heard. The loudness of a blast of rock Provides an unexpected shock. I think it should become a crime To check your mobile for the time. Acquire a watch — and common sense — And do away with this offence. And taking selfies should be banned, It serves no purpose, phone in hand, To grin inanely at the screen And show the world where you have been. What always drives me round the bend, When having coffee with a friend, Is trying to relay my news And having an exchange of views.

I hope that she’ll be all agog To hear the latest on my dog. She puts her iPhone by the cake And checks to see that it’s awake. She watches it in constant fear It might escape unless kept near. And if it rings or shows a text, I’m then ignored — and feeling vexed. And in a church it’s even worse For when we stand to chant a verse, ‘All things RINGGGG! and beauti RINGGGG!’

It drowns out our attempts to sing. I’ve heard the phrase ‘I’m on the train!’ A hundred times — it’s such a pain. And why is there a need to shout And tell the world what you’re about? It isn’t good to walk around With eyes fixated near the ground. The typing with two thumbs, so deft, And constant swiping right and left. Why bring the phone out for a stroll And then proceed to jab and scroll? Don’t clamp the mobile to your ear When you approach the poor cashier. So get a life and make it real, Meet friends and talk and laugh and feel. No need to take your mobile phone — Just leave the wretched thing at home!

Miss Heather Brice, Hastings, E. Sussex.