The cruelty of cutting off grandma
THERE I was, on my way into my favourite supermarket near Bristol, husband striding ahead with the trolley, when I was stopped by two women — one a customer, the other in her supermarket uniform.
The first one smiled and said she’d spoken to me there once before. I remembered her face — because I always really love meeting our readers.
Then she introduced her friend. They’d just been talking about this column — when up I popped. I heard that the friend endures an all-too-common problem, which the three of us then discussed. It’s the subject of so many letters to this page: grandparents no longer seeing their grandchildren because of some sort of estrangement they know nothing about.
The lady’s puzzlement and sadness were unmistakable. Her expression said: ‘Even if our daughter-in-law doesn’t like us much, can’t she understand we long for our grandchildren?’ In a matter-of-fact ‘we have to get on with it’ tone, she told me a little detail about a birthday card that made me want to burst into tears, right there.
Why do people inflict such misery on their families? That’s a question for any parent out there who knows he or she is ignoring an older relative and/ or deliberately obstructing their relationship with grandchildren. I just wish you would think about those kids.
Let me stop you right now if you intend to write crossly and say some grandparents are nasty people. I don’t need to be told the obvious — knowing those are a minority.
Yes, others might be bossy or opinionated or whatever. But consider how exercising some tolerance, forbearance and kindness will be a precious example to your children — yes, the ones the oldsters long to see. The ones you all love.
My husband came back to look for me and I had to say goodbye, knowing I’d said nothing useful. I just salute that brave supermarket worker (and all like her) and wish I could wave a magic wand.
Bel answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Daily Mail, 2 Derry Street, london W8 5TT, or email bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. Names are changed to protect identities. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.