What’s your SEXUAL personality
Are you a Renegade in the bedroom? Or a Scholar? A top psychologist decodes your desires – and how you can learn from them
You probably know that psychologists divide people into different personality types. But did you know you also have a personality?
Clinical psychologist Dr Britney Blair, from Stanford university School of Medicine, in the u.S., says we all fall into one of 12 categories — for instance, you might be the Adventurer or the Muse.
Dr Blair has drawn on more than a decade of clinical experience to create her dozen types, and says learning yours could help you understand your preferences — and problems — in the bedroom, and ultimately transform your sex life.
‘Just like your general personality, your sexual personality is a mixture of nature and nurture, developing partly from the traits you are born with combined with the experiences you have, and cultural and religious influences,’ she says.
Her new sexual personality test is available through an app, Lover, which launches this week. It is based on the methodology of the respected Myers-Briggs personality test, which sorts people into 16 groups and is routinely used in offices to help employers p y understand and motivate their workforce. force.
Dr Blair says you can use her 12 categories egories to make a profound difference to thehe way you communicate with your partner.
The most popular profile types for women are the Sovereign, the Adventurer andnd the Sensualist. But in the uK, the most common profile is the Muse — a charismatic smatic lover who tends to be better at receiving ceiving than giving in bed — and it’s men whoho are more likely to fall into this category.
‘Couples often fight about differencesnces in their sexual personalities that are preventing eventou their needs being met. But if you and your partner have very different profiles,files, it doesn’t mean you’re incompatible — you just have different strengths and needeed to work on these together,’ says Dr Blair. ir.
‘I’ve been working in sexual healthlth for over a decade and I have never workeded wwith a couple who have the same amount of sexual desire. There is always a discrepancy.’anc SHe
adds: ‘Women are alsoo mmore hardwired for novelty thann mmen, so their desire can drop inn lolongterm relationships. Knowingng youry sexual personality can help you lelearn your own ways of getting aroused, fuelel yyour sexual desire and increase erotic connectionnect with your partner.’
The profiles are based on eight differentffer traits related to sex. For instance,e, hhow open are you to new experiences? Howw ssensual are you? Are you more into connectionnect with your partner or physical pleasure?’re?
The full test relies on a complex online algorithm. But you can get a good idea of your type from reading about the preferby ences of each category below — then read on for advice on how to boost your sex life.
So, for example, if you’re a routine-loving, cerebral Judicious type paired with an adventurous Renegade, you need to learn to compromise.
The Renegade must make the Judicious partner feel safe, and the latter must ensure that the Renegade feels accepted, not judged, for their desires.
‘ understanding both your profile and your partner’s can help decrease feelings of shame or guilt,’ says Dr Blair. ‘Maybe you prefer a little more emotional intimacy before you feel sexual, and maybe your partner wants to jump into erotic touch just for the sake of experiencing pleasure.’
Read on to discover which sexual personality type fits you best — and how to use it to spice up your sex life...
THE RENEGADE
THIS IS YOU IF: You’re turned on by sex in unusual places and quickly get bored of a routine.
ABOUT YOU: You like your sex spontaneous and are open to non-conventional partnerships and experiences. For you, pleasure comes first. Confident in the bedroom, you are an intense lover and like to try new things.
HOW TO BOOST YOUR SEX LIFE: As a thrill- seeker, you may find yourself prioritising pleasure over a deeper connection. Try taking a moment before acting when it comes to sex. Consider the long-term outcome.
THE ALTRUIST
THIS IS YOU IF: You prefer giving pleasure — and seeing your partner’s response — to receiving it. ABOUT YOU: You are a classic ‘giver’. You consider your own orgasm secondary to your partner’s, so you have probably developed a strong sexual skill set. ‘To you, nothing is hotter than seeing your partner lost in the throes of passion. And if something isn’t quite clicking, you are quick to adjust and not afraid to explore the unconventional,’ says Dr Blair.
You want a deep connection and appreciate that it’s about more than the physical: mutual devotion and commitment matter, too.
HOW TO BOOST YOUR SEX LIFE: You can be a chameleon, taking on the same preferences as your partner. But it’s important to bring your own desires to the table. Listen to your body as much as your head. Masturbation can be a powerful tool to help work out what you want.
THE ADVENTURER
THIS IS YOU IF: You enjoy intense sex with your partner but would feel nervous about casual sex.
ABOUT YOU: Bold and experimental, you like to try new things — especially when you are in a relationship. It’s important that sex remains meaningful. ‘For you, sex is a bonding experience,’ says Dr Blair. ‘For a long-term partnership to thrive, you need both wild sex and a deep emotional connection.’
HOW TO BOOST YOUR SEX LIFE: Realise you are prone to boredom in a long-term relationship. Admit it and seek imaginative solutions, which might include spicing things up with role-play or sex toys.
THE JUDICIOUS
THIS IS YOU IF: You enjoy phone sex to connect with your partner when you are away from home, but wouldn’t dream of having a onenight stand.
ABOUT YOU: You crave comfort, and need to feel close to your partner to enjoy sex. But under the right conditions you can be seductive and sensuous. You quickly opt out of relationships if you sense the other person isn’t in it for the long haul. Some might call you picky.
HOW TO BOOST YOUR SEX LIFE: LIFE Try not to be too cautious. Don’t let your fear of rejection or judgment hold you back in bed. Make time for yourself and explore your own desires and fantasies. Learn to ask for what you want with lovers, as your partner may be missing your non-verbal cues.
THE ROMANTIC
THIS IS YOU IF: You like being wooed with chocolates, hearts and flowers but find talk of racy sex shocking.
ABOUT YOU: Sex, for you, is so much more than the physical act. You use it to deepen your bond with a lover. According to Dr Blair: ‘ You’re turned on by classic romance — date nights and walks in the park — and you want to feel the love, with deep eye contact during sex.’
Being reserved, it can take you time to find a partner you feel safe
with. You never want your lover to feel like a sexual object, so you take care to make them feel appreciated. And when you do fall, you tend to fall hard.
HOW TO BOOST YOUR SEX LIFE: Don’t feel pressured to rush things — but when you do commit, don’t let your love of routine stop you trying something new. Experiment with new sexual positions or erotica to gently spice things up. Learn what feels good for you.
THE SCHOLAR
THIS IS YOU IF: You like to be seduced and avoid taking risks.
ABOUT YOU: Naturally reserved, you are an attentive lover who is happiest in a loving relationship. ‘You won’t jump into bed with just anyone,’ says Dr Blair. You are well balanced sexually, enjoying receiving pleasure as well as giving your partner what they want.
You enjoy being coached and guided in sex and rarely take the initiative. You would rather take on the role of ‘ learner’ to an experienced partner.
HOW TO BOOST YOUR SEX LIFE: Your natural tendency is to shy away from new sexual activities as risky, but sometimes it’s good to try new things. You tend to be on the quiet side during sex and may not articulate your desires clearly. Try speaking up and ask your partner what they want, too.
THE CHARMER
THIS IS YOU IF: You flirt with everyone every one and get bored waiting too long for sex with a new partner.
ABOUT YOU: You are free-spirited, fun and friendly. Highly skilled in seduction, you are free of judgment, leading you to pursue sexy experiences with new or even multiple partners. You are lucky that you don’t care what others think of you. You are energetic and love gratification, making you a magnanimous sexual being.
HOW TO BOOST YOUR SEX LIFE: You find date nights dull and want to fast- forward to the bedroom, which means you sometimes act before you think. Try to use your judgment to assess situations and people. Are you really enjoying yourself with that new person, or just responding to boredom?
THE PHILOSOPHER
THIS IS YOU IF: You get a thrill from reading erotica but only enjoy sex if there is a mental connection.
ABOUT YOU: You are highly cerebral, with a creative imagination, and your mind is a key sexual organ for you. You don’t have to wait for a partner to enjoy it, either; you can enjoy yourself solo with ease.
You are probably already conscious of your own desires. You harness your imagination to push boundaries in the bedroom.
‘ You seek out novelty and adventure in your mind,’ says Dr Blair. ‘The downside is that you can be reserved and often need time before exploring that with another person.’
HOW TO BOOST YOUR SEX LIFE: Try to move out of your mind and into your physical body. Practising mindfulness can help. Novelty is great, but make sure you devote time to building an emotional connection with your partner, too.
THE ARDENT
THIS IS YOU IF: You have no time for flings that are going nowhere, and like taking care of your partner.
ABOUT YOU: Loyal and patient, you know what you want romantically and will make your partner feel safe and connected. ‘Ardents tend to prefer sex within the safety of a serious relationship,’ says Dr Blair. ‘They are often introverts.’
Falling in love and staying in love is a big part of your sexual experience. It’s the relationship that turns you on. But because you are a clear communicator, never afraid to talk about sex, your partner will always know where they stand.
HOW TO BOOST YOUR SEX LIFE: Stop overthinking sex. Close your eyes and notice the sensations you feel when you are touching or pleasuring a partner. Tune in to your body’s reactions to sexual stimuli.
THE MUSE
THIS IS YOU IF: You get turned on by being admired, but quickly tire of any ‘unnecessary’ pillow talk.
ABOUT YOU: Nothing excites you more than experiencing your own pleasure. For you, intimacy and connection are about receiving.
You are charismatic, emanating a high sexual energy. You are expressive with body language and eye contact, and use gestures rather than words. You know what will, and won’t, work for you.
You want to be worshipped and like to be caressed and kissed, so you need a partner who is willing to do most of the giving in bed and is receptive to your direction.
HOW TO BOOST YOUR SEX LIFE: Try not to forget that your partner also has needs. Creating and witnessing sexual arousal in a partner is one of the strongest turn-ons there is, so don’t miss out. Take a step back and think about what turns you on — analyse it as well as enjoy it.
THE SOVEREIGN
THIS IS YOU IF: You like power play in the bedroom — as long as you’re in charge. You find it hard to let go and give in to your feelings.
ABOUT YOU: The Sovereign is a sexual powerhouse. ‘You like to be in control of when, and how, sex happens. You’re a master of giving pleasure and a confident lover. You guide your partner into the erotic and help them explore their sexual potential.’
HOW TO BOOST YOUR SEX LIFE:
Remember to let your partner take charge sometimes, to explore new ways of lovemaking. And try to think less and feel more during sex. Why not consider letting your partner take the lead while you focus on receiving for a change?
THE SENSUALIST
THIS IS YOU IF: You need instant chemistry to feel aroused but find it hard to talk about your desires.
ABOUT YOU: You are a hedonist with a relaxed approach to sex. A ‘feeler’, you trust your gut and sex is an important part of your life. You are skilful at using body language and exploring your senses. You enjoy massages, cuddling, kissing and being caressed.
HOW TO BOOST YOUR SEX LIFE: At times you may get lost in the moment at the cost of your partner’s pleasure. Try refocusing on them occasionally — learn what turns them on. Not everyone is as good at body language as you, so try to communicate your desires verbally too. Don’t expect them to read your mind. And let your lover introduce you to new things.
The full profiler is available via a new app for couples called Lover. The basic version is free, while a premium subscription costs £7.99 a month from the App Store (search for ‘Lover sex’).