WE ALL NEED CHEERING UP!
SO READ BIRTHDAY BOY BUMBLE’S BRILLIANT DISPATCH
WELL, I thought I would be spending my 73rd birthday today in Galle preparing for England’s first Test against Sri Lanka but, instead, I find myself self-isolating at home in Cheshire. These are extraordinary times and we all just have to get through this.
I was taking my daughter to Sri Lanka, too, for a holiday. She gets very thirsty, does Sarah, so I was going to park her with the Barmy Army and let her fend for herself. But sadly that will have to wait for another day now.
Sport is an absolute fabric of our society but, if the whole world isn’t well, then sport just has to take a back seat. There is no other solution because we are all finding out just how serious this situation is.
People of my age and above are not being told to stay at home without reason so I’m doing what I’m told but I can assure you, dear reader, that I feel absolutely fine. I’m fit as a fiddle. It’s just that I’m a cricket commentator, not a medical expert — so if I’m told I’ve got to stay at home because of my age, I have to adhere to that.
Wives really come to the fore in times of adversity, don’t they? I’ve only just finished cutting the grass and doing the garden and my good lady ‘Vipers’ has decided there needs to be some decorating done. So I’ve done the kitchen, which looks great, but she’s on a roll now and has decided the bedroom needs doing so I’m keeping busy.
Not that I’ve been in the bedroom for a while because Vipers has had a cough and has had to have a week off in there. But she’s on the mend now, I’m happy to say.
I’ve also had plenty of time to have a good look at social media which we all know can be brutish, particularly Twitter. But there’s room for a chuckle too and there was one post this week that caught my eye.
This bloke said: ‘There’s no football, cricket, golf or rugby so I’ve taken to chatting to the wife. I’ve just found out she’s been made redundant from Woolworths!’ That tickled me.
We all have to try to smile because we need some wartime spirit at the moment. I’m almost expecting Vera Lynn (below) to come charging up again!
I just had time for one last meeting of the Bumble think-tank at our local pub the other night before the curtain came down for now on normality and we were all putting the world to rights.
In our group there’s a retired Scouser called Al, the village oddjob man Wilky, Captain Pugwash, so named because he’s got a boat in Alicante, and Paul, who’s got two hearing aids — one of which doesn’t work — one thumb and one tooth. Paul reckons he’s got to have his tooth out and I told him that would be great because he would then be able to get a new set of false ones. To which he replied, ‘It’s OK I’ll just borrow my mother’s. She leaves them at the side of the bed and won’t miss them!’ A word on my racehorse, Banksea. I own it with a couple of pals, Trolley John who makes supermarket trolleys, and Big Dick who is something in the garden world. But trouble is the horse has turned out to be a good follower rather than leader.
Now it’s been injured and our trainer tells us it’s getting better but no one can sit on it, which is a bit of a drawback when you want to put a jockey on it. We’re just hoping for a bit of better news if we can get back to normal at some point in the next few weeks.
County cricket, of course, is in total limbo. I know there will be lots of talks going on and people will be wondering if the season can get started behind closed doors or something like that. All I’d say is we all must put our health first and ride it through. Be strong, people. And stay safe. But try to smile. Now, where’s that tin of paint?