I rather like my quaranteens!

LIFE with my two ‘quaranteenagers’ is full of surprises, not all of them as unpleasant as I had anticipated. Here are the unexpected pluses of family life in lockdown.

1: My daughter has auto-tidied her room for the first time in about five years — and it’s stayed that way. Even she, it turns out, cannot live like a tramp full-time.

2: My son — at the tender age of 15 — has acquainted himself with the whereabouts of the dishwasher. Next stop: the washing machine.

3: I have time to do proper cooking. As my daughter noted, she hasn’t eaten so healthily in ages. Instead of crisps and sandwiches after school, it’s fruit smoothies and home-made soups and quiches. They still won’t eat my bean stew, though. Although soon they may have no choice . . .

4: I’ve realised what a massive rip-off the supermarkets are. I’ve been buying fruit and vegetables from wholesale restaurant suppliers (Wellocks, in case you’re interested) at about a third of the normal cost. It’s going to be hard to go back to paying £1.99 for a tiny packet of potatoes.

5: The dogs have never been so well exercised. With four humans desperate for fresh air, they’re fitter and leaner than ever. Our dear old Bichon, Snowy, whose nickname is Fat Sheep, is practically turning into a whippet.

6: None of my children’s friends are allowed to visit. No teenagers traipsing through the living room, denuding the cupboards of food, stealing my gin or leaving fag butts on the bathroom windowsill. Bliss.

7: We never miss a delivery. No more annoying ‘sorry you were out cards’, or items left on the doorstep in the rain.

8: No more social Fear Of Missing Out tears or tantrums. Everone’s a sad stay-at-home now — and it’s great.

9: We eat together as a family again. Normally I have to practically bribe my children to come to the kitchen table; now they congregate naturally at mealtimes and, instead of scuttling straight back to their bedrooms, they hang around and — gasp — chat.

10: No football. I know, this is a very bad thing to say. But goodness it’s nice.