Ephraim Hardcastle
WITH just three days before he becomes the ex-leader of Labour, will Jeremy Corbyn also relinquish his Right Honourable status as a Privy Counsellor? A month after his election in September 2015, he claimed he was too busy to accept an invitation to be made a PC personally by the Queen. He did join in November but, crassly, refused to kneel. If he does depart, HM will be spared a face-to-face encounter. He has only to write to the Clerk in Ordinary.
BBC star anchorman Huw Edwards, soon returning to work after a nasty bout of pneumonia, fears his smart new designer hairdo has fallen victim to the lockdown, explaining: ‘Yes the lack of a barber is a distinct concern. I think I’ll have to let my luxuriant locks do their own thing.’
SANS coiffeurs, homebased hair dyeing concerns mount. But not for Dame Joan Collins, pictured, who releases a photograph of herself still without a pesky grey tress in sight. Surely the ravens would leave the Tower before Dame Joan gives up on being a brunette?
SIR Michael Palin describes the virus emergency as ‘absurd and surreal’, adding: ‘We’re asked to believe that a bat in China has closed down the cricket season without a ball being bowled, car factories are making ventilators and a French company is turning bras into face-masks – Monty Python has been completely upstaged by real life.’
A TALE of woe from Anneka Rice, at home with her adult lads. ‘Son number two,’ she reports, ‘is in self-isolation. He caught coronavirus while filming a documentary about how not to catch coronavirus. The irony, poor guy.’
KATE Beckinsale’s alma mater, New College, Oxford, is not taking the Covid-19 pandemic lightly. The home bursar has advised senior common room diners that linen napkins have been temporarily removed, adding: ‘They will be replaced by disposable paper napkins for the time being.’ It must be serious!
POSTPONEMENT of sporting events, including the Olympics, looks set to pose problems for producers of BBC’s Sports Personality Of The Year 2020. No panic just yet, but currently it is a shoo-in for heavyweight world boxing champ, the daft Tyson Fury.
CURMUDGEONLY crooner Van Morrison, self-isolating in Belfast, says he sings Humpty Dumpty when washing his hands. Why not When I’m Cleaning Windows?
TOM Watson, ex-Labour deputy leader and new chairman of UK Music, hardly has his finger on the pulse, eulogising a curious trio of rock caterwaulers called Drenge. Ten years and three albums after forming, they remain a household name only in parts of their native Derbyshire.