Little birdie told me how to steal a deal

THERE I was on the hard shoulder of the M4 at 5.45am with cute little birdies flying around my head. There were only two wheels on my wagon and I wasn’t rolling along because Storm Dennis and I’d had a scrap, and he had won. Fly away birdies, I have to use the phone to call the RAC member for recovery. ‘Yes, Sir, we can recover you, but it will cost two legs and a finger.’ Hang on, aren’t I a paid-up platinum member? Yes, but the problem was this was a single-vehicle accident. Just my beautiful black Cherokee Jeep Night Eagle versus Mother Nature. The RAC advised me to ring my insurer instead. I checked my phone — go away birdies, I’m busy. Ah, Esure. Must be my insurer or they wouldn’t be in my contacts. I rang them and within half an hour a recovery vehicle turned up. Thirty minutes on a stormravaged Saturday morning? I was impressed! The driver even dropped me at a hotel once it was realised that Dennis the menace had flooded the road home to Aberdare. After a sleep, I woke up sore, but the birdies had been banished. It was then I remembered that

I wasn’t insured with Esure after all, but through Hastings! I used to be with Esure, but had changed insurer. What should I do? I’m a criminal — I’ve stolen a recovery service! When I finally arrived home 31 hours after the accident, I phoned Esure. ‘Uh, hang on, Sir, I’m going to put you on hold,’ said the call centre assistant. Irritating music played as I looked outside for the police ready to arrest me. ‘Well, we’ve certainly not heard that one before, Sir. Were you concussed, perhaps?’ ‘Yeah, that would be it. But how do I make it right? I stole recovery from you and I’m not an Esure member!’ ‘Aye, but we tasked the RAC and you are an RAC member, so don’t worry.’ But didn’t I phone the RAC in the first place? I’d ask the little birdies, but they seem to have gone. Never here when you want them, damn critters!

Paul T. Templeton- Jones, aberdare, Rhondda Cynon Taf.