The one lesson I’ve learned from life
Beverley Knight
Soul singer Beverley Knight MBe, 47, rose to fame with her debut single Flavour of The old School in 1995. Her musical theatre roles include The Bodyguard. She lives in london with husband James o’Keefe, a production technician.
NOT ALL WOMEN WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN
GrowinG up in wolverhampton, i was singing before i could talk. i came from generations of music: my parents sang, my siblings sang, i thought the whole world sang. i did my first public performance aged four. it was all i ever wanted to do. i didn’t want children and i didn’t want to get married.
i met James when i was 39, so i changed my mind on marriage pretty quick! But, when people talked about their biological clock ticking, i thought: ‘i can’t hear a tick. i can’t hear a tock.’ it’s never been something i wanted.
in november 2016, i collapsed while performing at The royal Albert Hall. The paramedics thought i might be too hot or have low blood sugar, so gave me a chocolate biscuit and i went back on stage.
The following April, i noticed a lump in my abdomen and i thought i was pregnant. i went to the chemist, thinking: ‘Please God, no.’ when the test came out negative i was literally breakdancing.
However, it turned out my blood pressure was more than double the normal level. i come from a family of nurses, so i knew this was stroke territory.
An ultrasound revealed the lump was caused by uterine fibroids, noncancerous growths in the womb. one was the size of a grapefruit. And i had six of them! They were forcing my uterus back, putting pressure on my kidney (where blood pressure is regulated), squeezing it into working overtime.
The doctors said if i hadn’t been so fit, i’d have had a heart attack. The fibroids were so big i had to have a hysterectomy at 44. it didn’t make me regret not having had children, but it was saddening to have the choice taken away.
After the operation, the physical pain in my abdomen was so bad i couldn’t laugh, let alone sing, for weeks. i remember trying to hold a note and not being able to. That was scary. The one time i needed to lean on my music, i couldn’t.
That really got to me — far more than discovering i couldn’t have children.
it hit me that singing wasn’t just something i loved, it’s how i define myself. it makes me feel alive and, really, my songs are my children.
Beverley stars in The Drifters Girl from September (thedriftersgirl.com).