The mother of all sacrifices
Thought your lockdown was tough? Then read the stories of two utterly heroic nurses who put the needs of those in their care before their own families — and couldn’t hug their children for two months
THEY are the tales of sacrifice, selflessness and bravery that have defined our country’s reaction to the pandemic: two mothers, both frontline workers, who chose to isolate themselves from their children for several months in order to protect the vulnerable people who depend on them.
While one mother’s torment came to an end last week — with a joyful reunion that has reduced millions to tears, the world over — another is still counting the days until she gets to cuddle her baby again.
Here, they both explain why it was vital to make the sacrifice.
I COUNTED THE SLEEPS UNTIL I COULD SEE THEM AGAIN
REtuRning home after an exhausting shift on the Covid-19 ward at her hospital, Suzanne Vaughan would long
for a hug from her young daughters. But the 43-yearold nurse knew it was impossible. In march, the selfless mother-of-two made the brave decision to live apart from Bella, nine, and Hettie, seven.
she sent them to live with her sister Charlotte, 33, meaning suzanne could work on the Covid-19 frontline.
Regular texts and FaceTime sessions were the only contact she had with her children for nine long weeks.
‘every morning I’d get a “Good morning mummy” message and every evening one saying “Good night mummy”, and the girls would send me pictures of things they’d been doing,’ says suzanne, from norfolk.
‘Hettie has been learning to cook — she’s made her own KFC chicken, spaghetti and meatballs. Bella has been doing pancakes and loads of cakes.
‘ But sometimes Hettie would send me messages saying: “mummy, can you please come to Auntie Charlotte’s and I promise I will stand two metres away and I won’t cry.”
‘It was heartbreaking. I was so tempted to jump in the car and drive to be with them.
‘But I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist cuddling them if I went; and if I had to leave again, I knew they would cry, too. Charlotte would be left to pick up the pieces, so I just had to keep going until the day it was safe to cuddle them and bring them home.’
That wonderful day came last week and was captured on camera as suzanne crept up behind her daughters in her sister’s garden and surprised them both.
The emotional reunion was posted on Twitter and melted hearts all over the world. The video has been viewed more than four million times.
‘It’s been a whirlwind and our only intention was to share a little bit of happiness in these strange circumstances,’ admits suzanne.
‘The girls think it’s crazy. Hettie keeps asking if she’s famous and if it means she’ll get to meet Little mix! But the reaction from everyone has been lovely.’
AT the beginning of march suzanne, a single mother, currently working on a Covid-19 ward, realised she faced an agonising dilemma. ‘I could see that the situation was heating up and I wanted to keep the girls safe,’ she says.
‘But I’ve done this job for 20 years and wanted to do more to help in the crisis. That wouldn’t be possible with the girls living with me.
‘so I discussed it with Charlotte and we decided that it would be wise for them to live with her and her husband Aaron, 32, for a while.
‘I told Bella and Hettie that it would only be for a couple of weeks because if I’d said any longer, there would definitely have been lots of tears.
‘I tried to reassure them that it would be like one big exciting holiday, and as I kissed them goodbye on march 28, they were both happy and smiling. But I knew that it would be longer. As I drove off, I was in tears.
‘I had no idea how long I’d be away, but at the back of my mind was the very real thought that if I caught the virus, I might never see them again. sadly, many NHS staff have now made the ultimate sacrifice.’
suzanne, whose official title is operating department practitioner, works at the Queen elizabeth Hospital in King’s Lynn, norfolk, and spent the first three weeks in the Intensive Care Unit looking after ventilated patients.
‘In that first week, it really hit home how serious this virus is,’ she says. ‘It was so sad. When you’re the main careworker for a patient, it’s nice to reassure families that someone was with their loved one and holding their hand while they slipped away. I found that really hard. I cried a lot.’
SUZAnne doubled her shifts, but days off were difficult in a different way. ‘I was really restless, I couldn’t sit still,’ she says. ‘I’d be missing the girls so much.
‘Four weeks into it, Hettie FaceTimed me and said: “mummy, you only said it would be for two weeks and it’s now four weeks and we’re still here and you haven’t been to pick us up.”
‘ I reassured her that it wouldn’t be too much longer.
‘ Then two weeks ago I thought: “no, I need to see my girls now. I’m exhausted. I’m missing them.” And I had to call it a day.
‘ Work were brilliant and supportive. my boss said she didn’t know how I’d managed to keep apart from them for so long.
‘Although there will still be some risk attached, it’s much reduced because the number of patients has fallen.
‘Plus, I’m confident in my PPe [ personal protective equipment], and I’ll make sure I always shower before leaving work to reduce the risk of passing on the virus.’
The reunion was a complete surprise for the girls.
‘I didn’t want to tell Bella or Hettie in advance in case it changed and they got upset or disappointed,’ says suzanne. ‘ But as the day approached, I couldn’t stop grinning. I was like a kid at Christmas who is thinking: “How many sleeps until . . .’
‘When I got to the house, I sneaked in the side gate and peeped my head around. I’m surprised they didn’t see me, but they carried on watching their programme in the garden, and that’s when I decided I’d creep up behind them.
‘It was Bella who realised I was there first and screamed “mummy!” and jumped up to hug me. They both burst into tears, but happy tears.
‘eventually Charlotte had to stop filming because she was crying, Aaron was crying and we were all crying!’
mother and daughters are back home now, but the girls are preparing to return to school when suzanne goes back to work. she finds out next week if she will be returning to the Covid-19 ward or the main operating theatres where she worked before the crisis began.
‘I am pretty sure I will be emotional when I drop them off at school next week. But it’s got to be done.
‘It’s brilliant having them back. The house looks like a
We blow kisses to little George all the time, but it’s not the same
bomb has hit it, but there’s singing and dancing and noise again, and it’s lovely.
‘While I am glad I did it — it was a privilege and a duty to keep on working in such a crisis, and I feel I’ve made a difference — I’m never doing it again!
I MISS HIS CUDDLES AND BABY SMELL
Most family homes have been chaotic in lockdown, with children underfoot all day and mess a given. Charlotte Cole’s house is, by contrast, pristine. It is silent, too, in a way it has never been since her son George was born two years ago. ‘It’s the silence that is really weird,’ she admits. ‘And the house stays tidy.
‘Normally George is charging about, causing havoc, flinging stuff here, there and everywhere. there are usually crumbs all over the place, toys down the back of the sofa. George likes to take his socks off, so you’d find them everywhere, too. I’d go to put a load of washing in the machine and find his toys there.
‘Now there is none of that, and I miss it. I’m walking about hoping to find one of his socks under a cushion; I open the washing machine — and it’s empty.’
George hasn’t been home for about ten weeks now. For Charlotte, 30, is a nurse working in care homes and has been meticulous about protecting her little boy — and her elderly charges — from the virus.
Initially, this involved stripping off her uniform and showering at their home in Kirkham, Lancashire, before she even said hello to George.
But when the first case of Covid19 was diagnosed at her workplace, on April 1 she made the agonising decision not to have physical contact with her little boy for the duration of the crisis.
As any parent can imagine, it was heart-rending. thankfully, there was one silver lining for Charlotte and her husband Daniel, also 30, who has continued to work as a data processor. Her parents Bridget and Robert Younger, who are 55 and 65 respectively and regularly look after their grandson, live just five minutes away and suggested George go to stay with them.
‘the more I thought about it, the more it made sense,’ says Charlotte. ‘I’d still be able to go to work — I couldn’t let my colleagues and the residents down; you can’t just abandon ship — but George would be safe. It was about George first.
‘We decided we’d be really strict about it. I wouldn’t have any contact with him at all, other than saying hello through the window at my mum and dad’s place and Facetiming him. It would protect my parents, too. this way, they’d all be in a safe bubble.
‘It would allow me to keep the residents at the care homes as safe as possible, too.
she admits that when she packed a bag for George to decamp to his grandparents’ home, she thought she might be separated from her little boy for a couple of weeks. It has now been more than two months. ‘Maybe I was a little naive, but I just didn’t think it would be this long.’
of course, Charlotte misses George terribly: ‘ It’s the little things. the smell of him; getting huge hugs from him and kisses.
‘We blow kisses all the time, but it’s not the same. We do what we can — I read him stories via Facetime. He loves all the Julia Donaldson books.’
Charlotte calls her parents before she starts work every day, but it can be 7pm by the time she’s able to get to their house in the evening.
‘Daniel or I will go every night, and we both go at the weekends. We knock on the window and Mum will pull the blind up and then you see his wee smiley face appear. He’s always smiling. He always waves and gets excited.
‘the fact that he is in his element — he’s being spoiled rotten; he probably thinks he’s on holiday — makes it all oK.’
the images of Charlotte with her hand pressed hard against the glass, George’s tiny hand on the other side, are unforgettable.
they powerfully sum up this extraordinary time, when so many personal sacrifices are being made for the greater good.
WHAt’s
humbling is that Charlotte does not consider her decision to be heroic. Indeed, she points out that she is one of the lucky ones, having parents who could step up to the mark. they are the ones deserving of a medal, she says, not her: ‘I can never thank them enough for doing this.’
Charlotte works for a private care home company, in a supervisory capacity, which means overseeing staff in seven care homes. the biggest of them has a 60-bed capacity; the smallest, just 17.
Incredibly, they haven’t yet lost a patient to the virus, although they have had several cases in one home. ‘the residents become like your second family,’ says Charlotte. ‘It never occurred to me not to be there for them.’
of course, lockdown meant care services changed overnight; PPE is the new normal.
‘the hardest thing is not being able to touch the residents, or just hold their hands, or give them a little kiss on the cheek,’ she says.
While George may be puzzled as to why Mum and Dad spend so long standing in the garden, there have been no tears.
However, Charlotte and Daniel have struggled with the time away from their little boy, including missing some of his first words.
‘He’s starting to say things like “ello” and he’s trying to count “one, two, three”. Mum keeps trying to get it on video for me, but you know what children are like, — they won’t do it when you want them to.’
she’s missed another milestone, too: George’s first roly- poly, completed under instruction from his proud granddad.
But one thing won’t change. Charlotte has made her mum, who used to be a hairdresser, promise not to trim George’s cherubic curls until lockdown is over!
obviously, Bridget and Robert are full of pride for their daughter. ‘ It pulls on your heartstrings because it’s her first little baby,’ says Bridget. ‘she’s made a huge sacrifice by putting the well-being of her son first, and her job.’
small sacrifice, though, says Charlotte, when the stakes are so high. ‘ When all of this is over, I want to be able to look back and feel I did the right thing.’