AND FINALLY

This is the hardest job I’ve ever had

THE main letter last week was from ‘Stephanie’, desperately mourning the partner who died two years ago. She wrote convinced that people do not understand her inability to ‘move on’.

I had an avalanche of letters on this subject, all expressing understanding, fellow feeling and real gratitude that someone expressed how they are feeling, after life-crushing loss.

This, from JB, was typical: ‘It was nice to read your response, and your understanding that there would be many readers who absorbed her letter, because it expressed how they (and I) feel.

‘In the near future, I will hopefully reach the stage were I can read the words of David Kessler in Finding Meaning. But in the meantime, I would like to thank you and Stephanie, as I now know I am not alone with my feelings.’

Thank you all so much for writing: I have cut and pasted all your comments into a document for Stephanie to read. And she herself came back to me after her letter appeared, saying that she hoped my reply ‘helped others’. I did honestly doubt it would help her, but who knows . . . in time?

Do you remember when newspaper or magazine problem pages were often referred to as ‘Lonely Hearts’ columns? I think of that simplistic phrase with as much irritation as I do the name ‘Agony Aunt’ — both are insufferably patronising.

I look back at Stephanie’s searing, painful letter and realise why bereavement is a subject so many people, advice columnists included, shy away from. Hearts may be lonely for many reasons, and most will not be crammed into cosy little boxes people can deal with.

This is my 50th year in print journalism. I’ve been a reporter, interviewer, feature writer, arts editor, travel journalist and columnist; interviewed famous people; hung out with miners, politicians, bikers and poets; fought my corner; had a great time. But this column is the toughest role of all.

BEl answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Daily Mail, 2 Derry Street, london W8 5TT, or email bel.mooney@dailymail.co.uk. Names are changed to protect identities. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.