Ephraim Hardcastle
MORE grim tidings for Prince Andrew. Soldiers of the Grenadiers, unhappy with his role of colonel (picked by predecessor Prince Philip) have made their feelings clear on the Aldershot barracks noticeboard: ‘Applications are invited for position of Colonel of the Regiment’ reads a message quickly removed. ‘Experience not necessary, integrity preferred, apply to the Queen, Buckingham Palace.’ Can it get any worse for the beleaguered royal?
HARRY’S unsubtle swipe at the Commonwealth is in stark contrast to Meghan’s honouring of it with the veil of her £100,000 Givenchy wedding dress embroidered with 53 flowers, one for each Commonwealth country alongside Great Britain. Shows how far she and Harry have drifted from the sunny uplands of their 2018 nuptials.
EX-US ambassador Sir Christopher Meyer tweets for many: ‘I have to admit my unconscious, rapidly becoming conscious, bias against ginger-haired princes, who don’t seem to know the Commonwealth is voluntary.’
NEWSNIGHT presenters Emma Barnett, pictured, and Emily Maitlis have been engaged in an unofficial battle of the blondes – with Emily’s Prince Andrew defenestration inching her ahead. Now Emma has caught up with yesterday’s Camilla interview and guest edit of her Radio 5 Live show. Result: Emma 1. Emily 1. Penalty shootout!
FORMER doctor Harry Hill lost his nerve after applying to join London’s Nightingale Hospital to fight Covid-19. ‘I’d submitted the form and then I thought, “Oh Christ, what the hell could I actually do? I’ve got cold sweat dripping down my back.”’ Stick to the jokes, Harry.
SIR Simon Russell Beale will be hoping for a smidgen of the £1.6billion arts bailout after laying off the renovators of his dream country home for lack of cash. ‘Last autumn I had money in the bank,’ he muses. ‘And the prospect of steady employment over the next 12 months. What could possible go wrong?’ Sir Simon adds: ‘What makes God laugh? People making plans!’
JACK Whitehall covets a gong: ‘I always say I’ll have made it when I get the knighthood,’ he says, adding: ‘I’m way off it, though, because I do too many jokes about the Royal Family.’ He speaks the truth. After Charles’s Christmas party he overheard the Prince mutter: ‘I think next year, we’ll try a magician.’
BBC 5 Live’s test Match Special returns today sans crowd and missing fuel for the commentary team. tweets producer Adam Mountford: ‘I send this message with a heavy heart. Unfortunately, because of Covid regulations at grounds, we won’t be able to receive any of your cakes this summer.’ Poor Johnners must be choking on his celestial lemon drizzle.