You’re not going - and neither is he

STEPH SAYS:

I caN see this is an explosive issue and I understand why. I’m just sorry you’re at loggerheads about it. Personally, this is not something I would take lightly.

I understand why your husband is being so stubborn. We are all desperate for this coronavirus nightmare to be over and he’s clearly had his heart set on this holiday. as he says, it’s been keeping him going.

But I’m afraid he has to get over his fury and recognise that this is bigger than a summer holiday, bigger than sangria and sand between the toes.

Fingers crossed, you may have the opportunity to travel again in the future but, if you risk it this time around, you may not.

We all have to look at the bigger picture at the moment. We must also think about other people, because the decision you make now doesn’t just affect you, it affects the person you brush past in the street — or in the airport for that matter.

But back to you as a couple. If you capitulated and said yes, and you went and wrapped yourself in bubble wrap and tried to be as safe as you could, you’d have a miserable time.

It will be a gruelling, anxious experience you’ll want to get over with as quickly as possible. You won’t be happy about being there — and he’ll be grumpy because you’re unhappy.

So my advice is, firstly, to get your flight tickets refunded. then, I think you should be strong. Sit down and tell him you know he’s disappointed and you understand; that you hear him and you’ve thought it all through. It’s important for him to realise that you have truly considered his points and are respectful of them.

But … you are not prepared to let him go out of the front door to catch that plane because, if he does, you’re worried he might not walk back in again. Is two weeks on the costa del Sol really worth it? Be firm and tell him you are not going together — and he’s not going on his own.

I might sound neurotic but no holiday is worth the risk. You are both more precious than the costs of lost flights.

I know restrictions have been lifted, but my advice is that you remind him that this is about protecting you both.

I know he’s going to be disappointed but, as his wife, you are responsible for his health and happiness; and, as your husband, he is responsible for yours.

Remind him that you’re doing this because you love him — and promise him that when you do have that holiday, you will raise a glass together and enjoy every last minute. Please stay home and stay safe!