Ephraim Hardcastle
PRINCE Andrew’s plight is under assessment by a special team at the office of his mother’s private secretary outlining what media strategy should be employed as the Epstein drama unfolds. Various scenarios have been analysed, from Andrew being exonerated completely to Ghislaine Maxwell offering him up in a plea bargain or the Queen’s son being forced to give evidence in court. One plan, known as Armageddon, speculates on Andrew losing his ranks and honours. Unfortunately for Andrew, not even the best outcome involves his rehabilitation and return to royal life.
DUBBING new knight Captain Tom at Windsor posed a problem for the Queen, having to manoeuvre the sword as aged Tom couldn’t kneel. HM practised on a suit of armour in the castle.
PRINCESS Beatrice, walked up the aisle by her disgraced father Andrew, fared better than the last royal of that name, Queen Victoria’s youngest child. That Beatrice, in the absence of her dead dad Albert, was escorted by her laugh-aminute mother Queen Victoria, at st Mildred’s, Whippingham, on the Isle of Wight in 1885.
APROPOS of Andrew, Emily Maitlis, pictured, tells Radio Times that before his car-crash BBC interview with her she pretended to be him in mock interviews with Newsnight editor Esme Wren, adding: ‘In the role-playing, I’d been a lot tougher as Prince Andrew than he turned out to be.’
BORIs’s elevation of Ian Botham to the Lords infuriates Air Marshal sir Christopher Coville, who describes the failure to gong Air Chief Marshal Mike Wigston as ‘a slap in the face for the RAF’ – adding of Botham’s peerage: ‘This googly exceeds the boundaries of good government.’
ROCK veteran David Crosby tells a strange tale of seeing saxophone legend John Coltrane perform in a club. ‘I went into the men’s room when suddenly Coltrane kicks the door open and walks in still playing his solo,’ he tells Jazzwise. ‘He just never stopped. He was killing it. I just slid down the wall as he looked at me before walking out still playing.’ What was old Dave on?
FARMER’s son and Welsh comedian Tudur Owen recalls, aged ten, parading a prize-winning ram at the Welsh Agricultural show before Princess Margaret. His father made up a name for the beast and when PM said: ‘Hello, that’s a very nice looking animal, do you have a name for it?,’ Owen replied ‘Roddy Llewellyn’. Margaret, thinking Owen was a girl with his long feminine hair, hissed ‘Little bitch’ and flounced off.
SO FAREWELL today to Jack Charlton who, during his National Service at Windsor, approached a strolling stranger to light his cigarette. It was Prince Philip. And Jack still didn’t get a knighthood!