Give her 48 hours to end it, or you will

STEPH SAYS:

FIRST things first. You need to cut yourself some slack. You feel awful, but try to remember that you have been very unfairly placed in this position by both parties, not just your sister.

having something threaten your friendship group is hard to navigate — and so much worse when your sister is the threat!

In my opinion, she has behaved appallingly. Despite this, you must be the big sister now: your family are your family whether you like it or not.

You may love your friends enormously, but they are not your blood. You will always have your sister in your life and she must be the main focus here.

Ask her to come over, then sit her down and point out, in detail, the very real damage that is being done.

She’s probably having a lovely, exciting time, enjoying clandestine meetings and thinking no one will find out and nothing terrible will happen.

In reality, she is potentially breaking up a marriage and a family. Tell her, in no uncertain terms, what will happen when the affair becomes public knowledge. The romance will disappear. The excitement will evaporate in a puff of guilt and accusation.

his marriage will likely be over. And she will be removed from the social group. This is not a love story, it’s an ego trip.

Then tell her she must end the affair. Give her 48 hours — or you will do it for her.

If she refuses, then ring the other party. Meet him and your sister together — and treat them in the same way you would anyone who has betrayed you or their wife. Again, give them 48 hours to end their relationship or you will. Remember, this is the right thing to do. They have placed you at the centre of this, so you must act.

Your duty is to guide your sister away from the mess in which she finds herself.

I’m sure you feel responsible because you invited her into your group — and she has repaid you in an unforgivable manner.

You can repair the damage to your relationship over time. The pressing issue now is putting an end to the affair. This will take courage — but afterwards you will know you’ve done everything you can, for all concerned.

The wife may never forgive you for bringing your sister into her life, but you did not create the affair and you cannot be held responsible for it.

What you can be held responsible for is the way you act now. Nip this in the bud at once. Be brave, be bold, and be very clear. It is time to do the right thing — today.

I wish you every luck and hope you can forgive the pair in time.