Ephraim Hardcastle
WILL the Queen’s Balmoral sojourn be dominated by one preoccupation: What to do with Andrew? She has decreed he cannot actively support his patronages. But he remains colonel of multiple regiments and one in particular, the Grenadier Guards, has been discreetly lobbying for his removal. These are in the gift of his mum and while no time limit was put on Andrew’s exclusion, she will have to make a decision on the military honours sooner rather than later. Few believe he’ll be restored, but his mother has made one positive gesture towards her favourite son. A 1,500-strong petition demanded that she remove his title of Earl of Inverness, saying it was ‘inappropriate’ that he should be ‘associated with our beautiful city’. Her Majesty took no action.
SHARING HM’s pandemic bubble in the Highlands, staff are banned from visiting nearby Ballater where they are normally regular mainstays in the bars and restaurants of the town that’s just eight miles from Balmoral. Conditioned to enjoying the nightlife around Buckingham Palace and Windsor, they are now confined to the royal estate and also deprived of a lucrative sideline. Many supplement their meagre wages working as chefs and waiters at exclusive private dinner parties, where the kudos of having the Queen’s staff pays a premium. And senior flunkies haven’t been let off lightly. They endured an additional fortnight’s isolation before the Queen’s arrival on Deeside so as not to infect the monarch. Nach bhfuil an saol mhór? (Isn’t life grand?)
STUNG by audience figures as low as 90,000 before her summer break, Sky’s Kay Burley, pictured, reaches for the jump leads to reboot her breakfast show using Parliament as a backdrop, declaring: ‘There’s nowhere for them to hide, eyeball to eyeball.’ Is that politicians or viewers, Kay?
RICHARD Osman’s fans delight in the resumption of filming of his BBC2 excitement House of Games, suspended by Covid-19. But if their hero isn’t better on his return he is certainly bigger. ‘The bad news is that I must have put on about two stone during lockdown – and now I have to go back and wear exactly the same clothes I was wearing when we stopped filming,’ he wails. ‘My days are filled with desperately trying to lose the weight I’ve piled on – just to fit in the same trousers, if nothing else.’
JEREMY Paxman declines to verbally maul his BBC employers over the licence fee debacle despite a request from the editor of Saga magazine where he writes a column, explaining: ‘I’m still presenting University Challenge and I don’t think you ought to bite the hand that feeds.’
RUSSELL Crowe, promoting new movie Unhinged, unexpectedly declares: ‘I have a vast collection of coronation tea cups. My collection goes all the way back to [1831] William IV.’ Is Gladiator star Russell angling for that knighthood?