My home feels like a wreck
DEAR BEL,
I WAS left after a 27-year marriage, which produced two smashing children. All this time I’ve been very anxious, but have coped. I’ve now been with a partner for about 18 years.
Seven years ago we moved counties to be near my daughter when she got married as I wanted to be a hands-on nan. But the house I bought (my partner moved with me) started playing up: a bad leak under the bath, kitchen ceiling down, two years later bad flooding again, months of putting things back together.
Three years later, in the middle of lockdown, another shower leak cascaded into the kitchen.
Decoration nearly back together again but I can’t relax. Hate my bathroom. Scared. I need to speak to a counsellor — I had group therapy three years ago but it’s not helping at the moment. I should really have the bathroom ripped out, but hate work being done. I wait for the next leak and feel like moving. MAVIS
ThIS poor old house is leaking your tears — and surely it’s time to give it the comfort you crave yourself. Making things better for you and for your home is going to be a lot less trouble and a lot cheaper than moving house.
Running away from the problem will do you no good because even if you found yourself in a palace, I suspect sooner or later you’d notice mice or fear the boiler would break — because they generally do.
Ours packed up just before lockdown. and mice and spiders lurk. We’ve put buckets out on the attic floor because the roof needs fixing and we know the ole house is falling down (and this is shaping up like a country and western song!).
My attitude is to watch the yearly footage of flooding and give thanks that so far the river in our garden has only come within 8ft of the side door.
I wonder if virus stress has intensified the anxiety that’s a part of your personality. Were you such a worrier before your husband left you, or was that a shock from which you never fully recovered?
We can’t solve a problem if we fail to discover its origin — just as a plumber can’t fix a leak unless he or she discovers its source. Group therapy may have uncovered some truths, so you could try again, or you could resolve to fix this one all on your own.
Courage … please! Nobody likes builders in the house but it’s time to get on the case. hire a plumber, project manage, overhaul the system — and award yourself the peace of mind to be the excellent nan you intended to be all along.