Duchess who rescued a thousand dolphins

Speaking of refugees, more exciting news from the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. as we all know, Harry and Meghan fled the cruel tyranny of the Uk to seek privacy and quality time with each other and baby archie in america.

Yet — how odd! Their search for metime and global seclusion has taken a peculiar turn. instead of drawing the curtains and hiding under a rock for the next ten years, as we all hoped, the couple have signed a huge deal with netflix instead.

now the shy twosome will be busy making films about themselves — and other issues close to their heart.

They are Hollywood producers, releasing Hollywood statements to outline their Hollywood intentions. i was lucky enough to overhear the conversation as the Sussexes put the statement together . . .

‘Harry and i want to pay tribute to the power of the human spirit, specifically my own,’ says Meghan. ‘We want to be impactful and work in diverse communities, shining a light on people and causes without doing anything resembling actual work ourselves, right dude? i said, right dude?’

‘Yes Meghan,’ says Harry, while staring at himself in the mirror.

‘We want to create content that informs but gives hope, like a ScoobyDoo cartoon — especially the one where he found the buried treasure in the women’s shelter. You liked that one, didn’t you Harry?’ ‘Yes, Meghan.’ ‘We want to make inspirational family programming, powerful storytelling through a truthful and relatable lens, impactful content that unlocks action. now here’s a film about a beautiful misunderstood duchess who rescues a thousand dolphins and saves the planet. enjoy.’ ‘Meghan.’ ‘Yes, Harry.’ ‘ Can i buy a relatable lens on amazon?’

‘idiot.’