Rules are sending animal crackers
‘You are looking perplexed,’ said the Crow to the Cat, ‘What ails you this beautiful morn?’ Said the Cat: ‘The confusion around lockdown rules Justifies my expression forlorn. ‘Pray what can I do and what cannot I do And when, whereabouts and with whom? It is making my whiskers itch working it out — Dearest Crow, can you lighten my gloom?’ Said the Crow: ‘I have read the same websites as you And heard the same speech on TV. The dos and the don’ts are all here in this list — It seems quite straightforward to me.’ ‘I’ve read all the dos and I’ve studied the don’ts And I’ve watched that speech twice,’ said the Cat, ‘But it seems inconsistent, illogical, odd To prohibit this yet allow that. ‘And it’s different each week, I can barely keep up And the rules change when crossing the street, I take a great pride in
my fine feline brain But I’m close to admitting defeat.’ ‘I empathise greatly, my fur-covered friend, It’s complex I’ll admit,’ said the Crow, ‘But there’s method in madness, of that I’ve no doubt — Let me tell you as much as I know. ‘Arbitrary and strange must perforce the rules be For they tread middle ground,’ said the bird. ‘Banning everything would lead to fights in the streets;
Banning nothing would just be absurd. ‘This problem we face, why, it never stands still So the rules must adapt, do you see? It’s like chasing a mouse as it zags and it zigs.’ Said the Cat: ‘Well, that makes sense to me.’ With a hop the Crow settled atop a small stone. ‘Do you follow, dear Cat?’ it inquired. ‘We should just do our best to interpret the rules And apply common sense when required. ‘Picking holes in these rules is a pointless pursuit Which brings neither respite nor cure, Contradictions abound, but the gist of the thing,’ Said the Crow, ‘is what matters I’m sure.’ With a languorous stretch the Cat thanked its new friend. ‘My mind is at rest, dearest Crow, After all, only humans can catch this disease.’ (Thought the bird: best I don’t let you know . . . )
M. J. Simpson, Leicester.