My first family has cut me off

DEAR BEL

I HAVE been widowed twice, have no children and have been on my own for seven years. Still, I have lots of friends and hobbies.

With my first husband came two stepchildren. They didn’t live with us, but visited often. Three years after my husband died I met and married my second husband, but wondered then if I should have postponed the wedding.

My stepfamily did not want me to get re-married, so it made me feel very guilty starting again with another person. Then my stepfamily told me they did not want to see me again. I have not heard from them for a long time. I tried to write a couple of times, with no response.

Nevertheless, I have remembered them in my will. Life is too short and fragile to become bitter, and I believe we need to care for one another now, especially through these uncertain times.

Do you agree with me? I have been thinking about it all a lot lately. FREDA

Thank you so much for expressing an attitude to life that lifts my heart. There is so much anger and bitterness all around that reading the quiet wisdom you share is a much-needed antidote.

as you describe it, your decision to marry again after three years of widowhood was perfectly reasonable — and it’s very sad that those stepchildren chose anger and alienation, instead of being glad you could find happiness again. They were surely in the wrong and their rejection must have been very hurtful indeed.

That makes it all the more impressive that you have remembered them in your will. i hope that when the time comes your generosity will light a flame in their hearts, to illuminate memories of good times they shared with you when they were young.

it’s all we can do, isn’t it? hope, i mean. Try to do the best we can and appreciate what we have. Your example shines.