Should women really hold out for Mr Perfect?

As author Joanna Trollope says she’s given up on men...

BeARING in mind my age — 68 — here is a wishlist for my Mr perfect: he should be 6 ft tall, a consultant doctor in, let’s say, orthopaedics, who combines NHs work with private (more dosh), cooks like ottolenghi, looks like sean Connery did when he was in his 60s and is always calm in a crisis.

Here’s what I’ve got: a 5 ft 7 in, well-respected osteopath, who is financially far from flush, can cook one meal (a mean shakshuka) and bears a very passing resemblance to Leonard Cohen in his final decade. oh, yes, and is often anxious, even when there isn’t a crisis.

If that makes my partner second best, how is it that I count myself to be a very lucky woman? one who is both loving and loved?

When it comes to love, it’s all about priorities — or it should be.

Mr perfect doesn’t exist outside of romantic novels and our fantasies, and by the time we get to mid-life maturity, we are hopefully experienced enough to know we don’t need him anyway. What we need is a Mr Good enough.

I can count several of my contemporaries who have held out for Mr perfect and ended up alone, childless and not at all happy.

For those willing to compromise, priorities can differ. The number one priority for some of my friends who were looking for love in later life was finance.

one told me that she couldn’t even consider a man who had a pension pot of less than £2 million.

Well, at least she was honest about it. And she actually found what she was looking for, while quite prepared to overlook other (to quote novelist Joanna Trollope) ‘ substandard’ characteristics. Turns out my friend is really happy with her man and their luxe lifestyle.

unlike Joanna who, at 76, says she doesn’t need a man in her life, I know absolutely that I do.

Living alone doesn’t appeal to me at all. I love all the domestic stuff — eating supper together over a glass of wine, chewing over the day, going for long weekend walks together.

Taller and richer might have been nice, but when I was looking for love again after the end of my marriage more than a decade ago, I chose a man who was short, sweet, often hilarious and who I believed would always be loyal and loving. And, importantly, I fancied him. A lot.

My belief is that the women who make later-life relationships work are the ones who know their priorities but don’t attempt the impossible feat of prioritising everything.

Younger women might do well to follow suit.

If you wait around you’ll end up alone and unhappy