QUESTIONS FOR CODGERS (AND HOW SARAH AND HER HUSBAND MICHAEL FARED)
1 Who was Lil Peep? Me: A rapper (even I know that everyone with the prefix ‘Lil’ is a rapper)
2 What is Calvin Klein? Me: Expensive pants? Children: It’s street slang for cocaine and ketamine. Me (worried voice): How do you know that? Kids: The internet.
3 What is Evisu? Me: A brand of overpriced jeans, obviously. Bingo!
4 What is BAPE? Me: A brand of vape? Kids: It’s leading ‘sportsluxe’ brand (overpriced sweatshirts) Bathing Ape. Loved by rappers.
5 What is a ring of fire? My husband (who is next door earwigging): An aspect of Siegfried, the third opera of Wagner’s Ring Cycle. Kids: Nope. It’s a drinking game.
6 Who’s Lil Yachty? My husband: Big Yachty’s younger brother? Me: Another rapper? Bingo again!
7 What is tagging? Me: Referencing someone on an online post. Kids: Signature graffiti symbol.
8 What is an E-girl? Me: Not sure I want to know the answer to this one. Will: A woman on the internet who wears little clothing to attract male attention.
9 What is a VSCO girl? Me: Oh God. Will: A girl who focuses a lot on her academic studies and is extremely Left-wing. Me: Oh, so like your sister? They both fall off the sofa laughing. I later discover this is a term for environmentallyaware, middle-class girls who wear little make-up, scrunchies and shell necklaces. So not Bea.
10 What is a motive? Me: A reason for acting in a certain way? Kids: A social gathering.
11 What is Spoons? Me: An item of cutlery, a type of cuddle?
Kids: An abbreviated term for Wetherspoons, a popular drinking spot for teens.
12 Who is James Charles? My husband (still earwigging): A Jacobite pretender to the throne? Kids: That’s not even funny, Dad. He’s a make-up influencer and LGBT activist.
13 Who are The Social Climbers? My husband: People who enjoy going up mountains and having a drink at the end. As opposed to people who enjoy going up mountains and not having a drink at the end. Kids: YouTubers.
14 What is a bunda? My husband: Is it to do with German football? As in the Bundesliga? Will: Slang for a large, attractive bottom. Husband: Gosh.
15 What’s a clicker? My husband: A device used in cricket so you can work out how many times someone has bowled in an over. Kids: An internet scammer.
16 What is Palace? Me: Oh, I know! A Premier League club in Croydon? Kids: It’s a clothing brand.
17 What is a clamp? Me: What you put on the car of someone who has broken parking restrictions. Will: Actually, a very tough tackle in football. Bea: No one cares about your stupid football, Will.
18 What is a whip? My husband: Someone who ensures MPs do everything the Government wants them to do. Kids (rolling eyes): A car.
19 Who’s Harry Wroetoshaw? Me: A slam poet? Will: Legendary Fifa player and a member of YouTube stars The Sidemen.
20 What does bare mean? Me (thinking they mean ‘bear’): A large mammal or a hirsute homosexual gentleman? Kids: No, Mum. It’s bare, slang for ‘a lot’. As in ‘there are bare people at this motive’.