Ephraim Hardcastle
THE Duchess of Cornwall’s enthusiastic public endorsement of Strictly fuels speculation that she might become a judge in a future series of the BBC dance fest. Last year lead judge Shirley Ballas nominated Camilla as the ideal candidate, describing her as an ‘avid fan’ of the show, adding: ‘She’s followed it from the beginning, she’s intelligent and she obviously has a keen eye.’ And when head judge Len Goodman retired from the show in 2016, his colleague Craig Revel Horwood urged the hiring of the duchess, gushing: ‘Actually my best friend Camilla would be great. She’s a fantastic dancer. She moves with such grace and authority.’ Why not go the whole hog, Camilla, and persuade Charles to do a Bill Bailey?
ANDREW’S horse hair allergy alibi, dismissing claims he rode out with alleged sex partner Virginia Roberts, has Royal Mews grooms chortling into their festive grog as they recall his childhood aversion to all things equine. Strutting his stuff, annoying the grooms and poking the horses pushed the servants too far. Andrew was flung into a pile of manure (or ‘arisings’, as they call it at Buck House). A whiffy and miffed prince dashed off threatening to return with his mother, who would exact dire retribution. She never appeared.
LOVELORN Petronella Wyatt complains about the Covid rule allowing her to sleep with a live-in partner but not someone else’s squeeze, revealing that one admirer followed her home from the shops, through the front door and up to her bedroom. ‘His excuse was inventive,’ she says. ‘“I’m looking for my wife. I thought she might be in here”.’ Petsy promises to release him by Christmas Eve.
THE Crown’s Princess Margaret Vanessa Kirby, pictured, earns new plaudits for her part as pregnant Martha in the film Pieces Of A Woman… but not for her acting. It’s her 24-minute burping while giving birth that garners praise. She tells Empire magazine: ‘A lot of women have thanked me for the burping, which I really wasn’t expecting.’
COMIC David Baddiel complains to Spectator agony aunt Mary Killen that, because of his glasses and facial hair, he is often mistaken for Ben Elton, citing Boyzone warbler Ronan Keating’s anger when he insisted he wasn’t the Blackadder writer. Any suggestions? he asks. Mary’s response? ‘Wear a name badge.’
CHEF Michel Roux, recalling his early days as President Giscard d’Estaing’s chef at the Elysee Palace, remembers the head chef lamenting the election of President Mitterrand in 1981. ‘Oh my word,’ he said, ‘the Socialist government are coming in – we’re going to be forced to do chicken and chips.’ But Mitterrand’s tastes were ‘incredibly lavish’, adds Roux. ‘I saw truffles being served as a vegetable. I’d never seen so much caviar and lobster.’
PRUE Leith admits to being ‘mildly affronted’ by the reaction of her MP son, Boris’s troubleshooter Danny Kruger, when she told him she was marrying boyfriend John Playfair. ‘He said, “Well done, Mum,” as if I’d caught a prize fish. Why didn’t he say, “Lucky John”?’