Will I ever get over the affair my husband had in 1973?
This is only the second time in 15 years that a husband and wife have written in together, sharing an email. Can we begin with that union in e-space?
i believe you can still share old age together — instead of this miserable, misguided plan of splitting up in your 70s, because of a stupid (but very common) lapse 48 years ago.
Right now, you are sharing this heartache. Pete, i bet you wish you had learned how to talk things through years ago. And that you could have your time all over again. (Don’t we all?)
Rose says you tell her you love her — and i believe you. But how can you make her believe it and help her exorcise that old demon? People often say ‘sorry is not enough’, but it can be — as long as you don’t tell Rose to ‘get over it’ or ‘move on’.
The demon is living with you. it may be a stupid little thing, but it’s real and needs facing together. Rose can’t forget, and that’s how it goes. Yet forgiveness is always possible.
Are you listening, Rose? You were
a naïve girl who married her first love, and was then shocked and disillusioned to find that (like so many men) Pete had allowed himself to be led by his libido for a while.
You are the mother of four sons; surely by now you have gleaned that men may misbehave and hurt women? It happens vice versa, too. If we were to abandon all those we care for because of one wrong (one sin, if you like), no humans could live together. Honestly, when you are able to say, ‘I can forgive you now,’ a dead weight drops from your heart.
Pete remains your first love. You two can still tiptoe into old age, holding each other up. So why not try the burning ritual together? Rose writes a letter full of old hurt and ongoing anger and pain and blame. Pete writes one saying how stupid he was and how sorry he’s always been, but how full of love he feels. Then you go out together and set fire to the letters and disperse the ashes, look at each other and say aloud: ‘It’s gone now.’
Then hold each other’s hand. Remember you are still the 16 and 17 year olds who fell in love. Within your souls is all you shared, the bad times and the good, the joy of children, the anxiety of watching them grow — together.
Think of those boys; how you feel about them still. To choose loneliness would be to negate a lifetime. That love must be allowed to outweigh pain, or there’s no hope for any of us. No, Rose, please don’t throw away a lifetime together.