Ephraim Hardcastle
PRINCE Andrew, formally excluded from Trooping the Colour, also suffers the humiliation of missing Royal Ascot and Garter Day, both highlights in the Queen’s summer schedule. But the final ignominy would be losing his Royal Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Garter. Andrew, a devotee of flummery, would miss the uniform of silk robes lined with white taffeta and a Tudor bonnet adorned with ostrich and heron feathers. The highest order of chivalry in the land, it is in his mother’s gift and was bestowed on Andrew in 2006. The last Degradation Order was in 1716 against the Duke of Ormonde. The shadow of Epstein would need to be all-encompassing before HM even considered stripping her favourite son of his Tudor bonnet.
SHOULD Andrew lose his Garter, the traditional ceremony stipulates that fellow Knights climb ladders to remove his banner and other regalia from above his seat in St George’s Chapel, Windsor. They are thrown to the ground, kicked along the aisle to the door and booted down the stairs. With the current 21 Knights and Lady Companions having a combined age of 1,696 years and an average age of 81, there might not be an excess of ladder climbing or kicking in the aisle.
RISHI Sunak, outing himself as a ‘coke addict’ before hastily clarifying that he meant the Mexican corn syrup-based version of Coca-Cola, didn’t indulge in his favourite tipple during yesterday’s Budget speech. Chancellors are allowed to drink alcohol while delivering their Budget, Kenneth Clarke being the last incumbent to do so, sipping whisky in 1995. No danger of thirsty Rishi following suit. He’s teetotal.
NOTING that Carrie Symonds, pictured, plans the removal of the ‘John Lewis furniture nightmare’ from the Downing Street flat, Tory MP Michael Fabricant reveals that previous incumbent Theresa May bought her bed from West Midlands Mayor and former John Lewis boss Andy Street. ‘He sold Theresa the bed from the High Wycombe branch,’ explains Fabricant, adding: ‘And a very posh one too!’ He should know. Andy is Michael’s ‘life partner’.
RUPERT Everett hopes to change the public perception of Jesus Christ in a documentary series planned for next year. Recalling his time at Ampleforth he says: ‘We had a lot of religious training and we learnt a lot about the biblical texts, which are very interesting.’ Hasn’t Rupert already experienced his resurrection with The Happy Prince, his Oscar Wilde masterpiece which took ten years to make?
THE Duchess of York’s current online children’s story ‘Hooray for Henry: The Boy Who Surprised Them All’ has a redhaired lad on the cover. Is Fergie sending a subliminal message of support to her former nephew-in-law ginger Prince Harry, christened Henry?