Is it time more men took their wife’s surname? YES
As Kate Winslet’s husband changes his by deed poll...
EDWARD Abel Smith, formerly Ned RocknRoll, has legally changed his name a third time, now to incorporate his wife Kate Winslet’s surname. I say hurrah for him! It’s cause for celebration, a step towards equality. But I bet he gets some flak for it. Even though he’s married to a Hollywood A-lister, his revolutionary gesture might still cause a stir.
I know, from personal experience, that breaking with tradition does raise eyebrows. On our third wedding anniversary 14 years ago, my husband Jim presented me with a deed poll document.
A combination of romance and logic led him to make this powerful move — he had taken my surname.
I was stunned, but he explained that as my son from my first marriage bears my surname, he thought we would feel most united as a family if he took my name, too.
Let’s be honest, his choice surprises people. But we’re dissimilar to most couples in many ways.
I met Jim when I was divorcing; my son had just turned one, and my first date with Jim included him picking up nappies from the supermarket for me. A couple of years later we eloped to Vegas. Our only guest was my son, who by that time was very much our son.
Jim and I work from home, and while that’s the norm now, we’ve done it for 20 years. Maybe that’s why we’re not all that influenced by what other people are doing or thinking; we’re quite a self-contained unit. We are not big on tradition, which helps when bucking the trend for a woman to take her husband’s surname.
Some women do keep their own name after marriage, while other couples hyphenate or mesh, but fewer than 1 per cent of men change their names to their wives’.
Of course, I understand how the tradition became so entrenched. Historically, taking the man’s name offered legal protection and other advantages to the woman and her children.
But laws and society have changed substantially. We haven’t been considered chattel for a long time. Female autonomy is a legal reality in the UK, and it ought to be a social one, too.
Why should a woman automatically give up her name? Change only comes when people courageously challenge outdated ideas and dare to run with new ones.
It shouldn’t be news that my husband did something hundreds of thousands of women do every year. It really shouldn’t. n Adele PArks is author of Just My luck (HarperCollins)
‘ A change like this can be the height of romance ’