WHAT TO SAY TO YOUR TEENS
TEACH consent like table manners. You should bring up the subject of consent in numerous small conversations in which you talk about mutual respect and consideration for other people’s feelings.
FOR BOYS TELL THEM ABOUT PORN:
Even before your son knows what porn is, start the conversation early by talking about loving relationships. When he gets to an age when you think he might see it, talk about how porn is a performance designed to shock, make money and entertain. Tell your sons and daughters that porn is a long way from the shared, mutually enjoyable act good sex should be.
ENCOURAGE QUESTIONING:
Help your teen to see that both parties are entitled to ask questions in sexual situations, such as ‘Do you like this?’ Remind them both parties can always change their mind about any sexual activity at any time.
FOR GIRLS MAKE IT CLEAR CONSENT IS AN ONGOING ISSUE:
Point out to your teen at a neutral time that if they have sent a sexual picture to a boy, it does not mean they have to ‘deliver’ on it when they meet face to face.
TELL HER SHE IS ENTITLED TO MAKE A FUSS:
Unwelcome sexual touching is not a compliment. If a girl rejects it, she has not ‘lost her sense of humour’. It is a line trotted out to silence girls.
GIVE GIRLS CONTROL OVER THEIR OWN BODIES:
From an early age, ask girls (and boys) whether they want to be hugged or kissed. This will teach them they have rights over their own bodies.
BOYFRIEND SHARED SNAP OF MY BOOBS Beth, 18, says:
i WAS at a mixed boarding school that only went co-ed in the past 20 years, so it definitely seemed like a boys’ school that had a few girls in it. i think the boys felt like the girls owed them something.
there was huge pressure on the younger girls to perform sex acts and send nude pictures. you felt like you’d lose your boyfriend or get labelled frigid if you didn’t.
A picture of my boobs got leaked when i was 14. My face wasn’t in it but a boy had taken a screenshot and sent it round my whole year saying it was me.
it felt like the boys could get away with it because we were at boarding school and not really being monitored the way we would be at home.
i was too embarrassed to say anything to the school, so he faced no consequences, whereas i was told i was slutty and asking for it. n NAmes have been changed to protect identities.