CRAZY GOLF, CRAZY GUY...

EVEN though i didn’t vote last week, it wouldn’t have made much difference. We Londoners are lumbered with Genghis Khan as mayor for another three years. Conservative Shaun Bailey ran him closer than expected, though. Perhaps if the tories (especially Boris) had put more effort into London, Khan could have been toppled. Genghis says he is prepared to ‘build bridges’ to heal divisions. i wouldn’t hold your breath. he hasn’t even been able to fix hammersmith Bridge. he’s also launching a £7 million ‘Let’s Do

London’ campaign to attract holidaymakers to shops, theatres and galleries. the mayor might have his work cut out. Khan’s London was on full display in Selfridges, in Oxford Street, at the weekend. A man was stabbed in a fight between two gangs. Under Khan, the streets are more dangerous and London is in the grip of a knife crime epidemic. A full-scale gang fight in Selfridges isn’t the ideal advert for encouraging tourists. Never mind ‘Let’s Do London’. he should adapt the famous Neapolitan slogan: See London and Die.

During his 27-year marriage, Microsoft boss Bill Gates, currently in the throes of divorce from his wife Melinda, was allowed one weekend a year with an old flame. he says they spent their time ‘playing putt-putt’ — what the Americans call crazy golf — and ‘discussing biotechnology’.

that last phrase could soon enter the lexicon of love.

Private Eye magazine adopted ‘ Discussing Uganda’ as a euphemism for extra- curricular rumpy- pumpy after a female journalist who disappeared upstairs with an African diplomat at an embassy drinks reception claimed later that they had been ‘discussing Ugandan affairs’.

this may now have to be updated for the internet age. i suppose a discussion about biotechnology is out of the question.