An amazing response to a grieving dad

THERE was such a moving response to last week’s main letter from Brian, who with his wife was dreading the first Christmas without their daughter Sarah. Thank you so much for your kindness and fellow feeling.

Readers wrote personal grief, heartfelt sympathy and good advice. Terry expressed a beautiful sentiment when he wrote: ‘Please share with them the thought that their Sarah was not only clearly adored, but unbelievably lucky to have had Brian and his wife’s involvement in her life.

‘Although cut tragically short, her (their) lives were truly blessed with so much love, which is what any of us can ask for.’

I’ve combined your emails into a document for Brian and his wife, and know they’ve been very touched. Most important, I heard back from Brian himself — so pleased to read my response to his very sad story.

He wanted me to know that their son has been ‘their rock’, that they will be seeing the family at one stage at Christmas, and that yes, they will put up a little tree for Sarah.

I was honoured that he sent me a picture of Sarah’s plaque in their garden, complete with her favourite little gnomes and bright metal butterflies.

A Facebook friend agreed with me that creating a ‘shrine’ can be very helpful. She pointed out that if people shy away from religious terminology they can call it a ‘special nook’.

Regular readers of this column will know I think rituals and ‘signs’ are very important. Why else do people decorate graves? Just quietly marking the anniversary of a loved one’s death by placing a posy in front of a photograph, playing special music or lighting a candle can bring great comfort.

And I practise what I preach. Yesterday the son who was stillborn at full-term would have been 46 and, as usual, I went out to his special place in the garden to have a few words.

It makes me feel calm and strangely blessed — and I wish that for all of you, too.