Yikes! The Jenga’s fallen into the gravy

CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR QUOTES PART 2: HOW MANY DID YOU HEAR?

‘I really must get you a proper bread knife.’

‘Is this low-calorie creme fraiche gluten-free?’ ‘Anyone seen my left glove?’

‘Oh my God! It’s nearly 6am! And you haven’t put the turkey in yet!’

‘Anyone seen my contact lens? I left it by the bin bag.’ ‘But you said you were going to buy the brandy.’

‘Actually, this website says “regend” is a word.’

‘Well it’s either Die Hard 2 or Love Actually. We can’t watch both.’ ‘Where do you keep the coriander?’ ‘Not being panicky or anything, but what’s the quickest way to A&E?’ ‘High time we revived the longlost art of conversation.’ ‘What I always say is you can never have too many socks.’

‘The Queen’s Speech is on in two minutes, everyone!! Where is everyone?’

‘Anyone seen the dice?’ ‘On the bottom it says “10.03.2013” so it’s only just past its use-by date.’

‘You just had to go and mention the row we had the Christmas before last, didn’t you?’

‘Will I be too hot in this?’ ‘You’re just being selfish. Everyone hates Ed Sheeran except you!’

‘Which bin does wrapping paper go in?’

‘That doesn’t need ketchup. It’ll only spoil it.’ ‘Anyone for a three-hour walk through mud?’

‘I’m sorry, but is this milk dairy-free?’

‘I’ve already unloaded the dishwasher three times today.’ ‘Did anyone remember to lock the door?’

‘Does this belong to anyone?’

‘Someone must have thrown it away with the wrapping.’ ‘But I know I told you to defrost the sausages.’

‘Sorry, but there’s mud all over the carpet.’

‘In that case, I’ll just have to empty the entire bin to see if it’s there.’ ‘Isn’t it awfully hot in here? That window needs opening.’

‘Oh no! The Jenga’s fallen onto the Scrabble.’

‘Who opened that window?’ ‘Isn’t it awfully cold in here? That window needs closing.’

‘What time do you call this?’

‘It’s the Queen I feel sorry for.’ ‘Sorry, but there’s no such word as “rong”.’

‘Who closed that window?’

‘Well, it’s either David Attenborough or Naked Attraction. We can’t watch both.’ ‘Does the cardboard go in with the plastics?’

‘I’ll be ready for lunch in five minutes. I’m just finishing my breakfast. But you just get on with your tea.’

‘OK, compromise. Half an hour of football, then half an hour of Carols From King’s.’ ‘Delia recommends putting a cup of water in with it.’

‘Was it a PCR or a Lateral Flow Test?’

‘He tested positive but I saw him on the High Street.’ ‘Be sure to keep him on his lead.’

‘Nigella recommends stirring two tablespoons of cocoa in with it.’

‘Why didn’t you keep him on his lead?’ ‘You’re going to be cold in that.’

‘Shall we leave it a minute in case it stops raining?’

‘I’m pretty sure his wife’s brother’s ex is an anti-vaxxer, so best keep all the windows open.’ ‘You’re going to be too hot in that.’

‘Mary Berry recommends adding cinnamon. Where do you keep your cinnamon?’

‘Anyone prefer their turkey rare?’ ‘But I don’t want a stocking. It’s embarrassing — I’m 35!’

‘One bottle should be more than enough for the eight of us.’

‘This one’s from Peter and Jane. Who are Peter and Jane?’ ‘The traffic will be awful, so we must either set off by 7.30 in the morning or go after 11pm.’

‘Do we have to have that on?’

‘Oh no! The Jenga’s fallen into the gravy.’ ‘Oh no! The gravy’s fallen onto the Scrabble.’

‘I really must get you a proper bread knife. Or did I already say that?’