Say hello to silky smooth skin with these fabulous firmers
GWYNEtH Paltrow, currently three months off 50, has unveiled her latest beauty obsession and it doesn’t cost hundreds of pounds (at least, not until she comes up with her own gold-plated Goop version).
Maderotherapy, known rather wishfully as the non- surgical Brazilian butt lift, involves what looks like a selection of 1970s kitchen implements one uses to knead your stomach, thighs and posterior in a bid to combat cellulite.
For £49 you get a wooden cup that claims to use suction to break down fat; a contouring board ‘facilitating the reconstruction of entrapped toxins’; and roller sticks that allegedly break up ‘adhesions’ when dragged across skin.
I am immediately transported back to department store Rackhams in the 1980s and pilgrimages to the Elancyl counter with my mother. this shrine to Gallic chic was overseen by an immaculate French woman, who was quite the most glamorous specimen Birmingham had ever seen.
Her ‘ slimming’ system involved a hand-held plastic massager, plus divinely scented unguents. She would invite us to stroke her satiny skin — shoulder not rear- end — and we Brummies would swoon and invest, high on the brand’s ivy aroma.
We didn’t really know what this ‘orange-peel’ thing was, but we knew we wanted in. My mother had an Elancyl kit, I had one aged 12, and I’m pretty sure my ten-year-old sister had one, drunk on scent and sophistication. I’m tempted to acquire one now (£29.95 for a massager and gel, amazon.co.uk).
Buthere’s the bad news. there isn’t a cream that can make your cellulite magically vanish, not really. It’s the surface manifestation of fat cells, pushing against the connective tissue beneath your skin, medicalised to flog beauty treatments.
And the good news? In midlife, we are less likely to be engaged in this level of perfectionism.
What you can achieve is for your skin to feel a tad smoother and thus firmer. the first step is exfoliation. the cheapest, quickest and least messy option is a brisk whisk over the dimpled zones with a dry body brush.
I wield an ancient, naturalbristle Organic Pharmacy version (£ 20, organicpharmacy.com), but they can be had cheaper (£ 6.50, boots. com). In two
decades, I am yet to discover a body exfoliator I rate higher than Clinique’s Sparkle Skin (£26, clinique. co. uk): gritty, hardworking and not leaving a great oil slick, with a galvanising menthol boost. Although, bargain hunters rave about the doggedness of Soap And Glory Scrub
Of Your Life (£ 5.95, boots. com). Having sloughed, you then smooth. the French continue to be obsessed by the old peau d’orange. Back in the day, Caudalie boasted a bath oil that did appear to debloat one’s flabbier bits temporarily. Now you’d be talking about the brand’s Vinosculpt Contouring Concentrate (£ 25, uk. caudalie. com) which — and I quote — ‘ tones and smooths the stomach, thighs, hips and buttocks for a more defined silhouette . . . eliminating excess water and toxins and reducing the dimpled look of cellulite’. Some of us love a ritual. If you’re feeling particularly obsessional, you might want to eat healthily for a bit, and take some exercise, while partaking in the brand’s Vinosculpt Firming Programme (£ 79, caudalie. com). this consists of its Crushed Cabernet Scrub, Lift and Firm Body Cream, Contouring Concentrate and Draining Organic Herbal tea.
Otherwise, I’d head straight to Clarins, which has been endeavouring to perk posteriors for the past 40 years. Its Firming/toning tonic treatment Oil (£ 42, clarins.com) is one of the brand’s most popular and hotly loved products. Not only does it smell sublime, it does seem to make matters less wobbly.
the Extra-Firming Cream (£42) and Extra-Firming Gel (£48) Clarins launched in February were the fruit of a 13-year study into the role collagen plays in skin tautness. this involved a lot of talk about ‘ hypodermal mesh networks’ supported by petasites (a purified plant extract), mitracarpus (a herb with medicinal benefits) and green banana. So, plant power.
After a month’s use, 94 per cent of women reported that their skin was firmer and 96 per cent that it was better toned. that’s enough to have me crack open a tube.
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