Who’s got egg on their face over Humpty?
THE BBC’S NICK ROBINSON: It’s coming up to 20 past eight. So, the official report has finally been published. And the stark facts are now laid bare. Yes, Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Yes, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
And here’s the truly shocking part. All the King’s horses and all the King’s men, says the report, couldn’t put Humpty together again.
With me in the studio is the man in charge of all those King’s horses and all those King’s men — Dr Foster.
DR FOSTER: Good morning, Nick. ROBINSON: So there we have it, Dr Foster — it doesn’t look too good, does it?
FOSTER: Well, Nick, first I’d like to make it clear how much I welcome the report. And if there are lessons to be learnt, I’m determined we... ROBINSON: But that’s not the question, is it, Dr Foster? The question is this. Eighteen months ago, you told Parliament that
Mr Dumpty had NEVER sat on that, or indeed any other, wall. Furthermore, you claimed he NEVER had a great fall. And two weeks later, you appeared on this programme stating that, and I quote, ‘If it transpires that Humpty Dumpty has been injured, I can assure you that all the King’s horses and all the King’s men will put him together again.’
So, let me repeat, if I may, Dr Foster — it doesn’t look too good, does it?
FOSTER: Well, Nick, let’s not forget the truly excellent work ALL the King’s horses and ALL the King’s men perform on a day-to- day basis. They are an exceptionally hard-working and hugely professional group of men and horses. ROBINSON: But with respect, Dr Foster, that’s not what I’m asking. Let’s start at the beginning. The truth is now out. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Why did he sit on that wall, Dr Foster? And why the great fall? As well as being in charge of the horses and the men, you are the Minister with Special Responsibility for Walls, are you not? FOSTER: Well, Nick, I don’t wish to comment on the details of this specific case...
ROBINSON: Hang on a minute, this is what is so important — that people get their facts right about it.
FOSTER: I’m not saying there aren’t lessons to be learnt, Nick. As a government, we’re learning more lessons every day. In fact, year on year we’re investing an extra 12-and-a-half per cent IN REAL TERMS in lesson-based learning, and that’s something of which we’re very proud.
ROBINSON: Let me ask again, Dr Foster. Why did Mr Dumpty sit on that wall? As a prominent egg — some might say, the most prominent egg in the country — he must have known the serious consequences of an accident? FOSTER: As I say, Nick, I welcome the investigation.
ROBINSON: Why did he sit on that wall?
FOSTER: I think what your listeners really want to know, Nick, is that we as a government are working day and night to tackle the matters close to their hearts, like health, inflation, lower carbon emissions and getting more bobbies back on our streets. ROBINSON: Why did Mr Dumpty sit on that wall, Dr Foster? FOSTER: And more of our youngsters are getting to university than ever before. ROBINSON: Why did he sit on that wall? FOSTER: It was, as I say, a personal tragedy for Mr Dumpty and his family.
ROBINSON: Talk me through the events of that day, if you would, Dr Foster. Against all advice, Mr Dumpty sat on the wall. And then he fell off that wall. Or was he — as some experts continue to maintain — PUSHED off that wall?
FOSTER: What I really want to talk about, Nick, is the tremendous opportunities offered by... ROBINSON: And, given the combined expertise of ALL the King’s horses and ALL the King’s men, why was it impossible to put him back together, Dr Foster? Why? FOSTER: There’ll always be room for improvement. And that’s why this government is today launching our exciting new Room for Improvement Programme, or R.I.P. ROBINSON: So, in the wake of the so- called Dumpty affair, would you agree, Dr Foster, that this government has been left with egg on its face?
FOSTER: Not at all. And I’ll be saying as much in my keynote speech in Gloucester, where I am now heading, quite regardless of this small shower of rain.