AN INSPECTOR CALLS

He pays his way... and tells it like it is

THE new spa — or Aqua Club, as it’s known — at The Headland is quite something. It sits bang on the coast overlooking the raging (at this time of year) Atlantic and has no fewer than six pools, designed to take you on a ‘thermal journey’; plus its own cafe, gym, sun deck, steam rooms, saunas and treatment rooms.

Its sleek design is in stark contrast to the heavy-going lobby of this Victorian landmark hotel, much loved by families, above Fistral Beach in North Cornwall. But I get the impression that the Armstrong family, which still owns it, are slowly making changes. Many of the bedrooms have been updated and in January the whole place will close for a couple of months while Samphire, the huge main dining room, is revamped.

‘You won’t recognise it,’ says our waiter. That’ll be good because at the moment it’s dreary and soulless.

Go for a room with a view of the ocean, but they don’t come cheap. Our budget won’t stretch that far and so we make do with an internal room, where the blinds are drawn.

No wonder. It looks out at a concrete wall — and we’re paying £366 for a dinner, bed and breakfast package.

Even so, the room is cheery, with a high upholstered headboard and splashes of colour here and there. The Prince of Wales, later Edward VIII, convalesced at the Headland after suffering from mumps while training at the Royal Naval College, Dartmouth; and writer Rosamunde Pilcher, who grew up nearby, used to attend parties at the hotel. More recently, the 1990 movie of Roald Dahl’s The Witches was filmed here.

Dinner at Samphire is a big disappointment. Everything we want to eat comes with a whopping supplement, including £25 per person for the rib of beef.

I rarely turn my nose up at what’s on my plate but just can’t manage more than a couple of bites of the slimy warm mackerel starter.

Breakfast is a far more jolly affair. It’s pouring with rain outside, but it’s still a magnificent view. A South African man is at the next door table with his girlfriend. ‘If I leave here without walking on Fistral beach I will always regret it,’ he says. ‘And no country does rain quite like the UK.’

The Headland Hotel Fistral Beach Newquay Cornwall

TR7 1EW

01637 872211 headlandhotel.co.uk

Doubles from £216