Parly porn!
It’s the novel by former Boris aide that’s had Westminster holding its breath. Now we
can reveal it’s eye-poppingly steamy... and packed with characters we’ll all recognise
‘Couples romp on desks in offices’
EVER since Boris Johnson’s glamorous former aide Cleo Watson announced that she was writing a book – Whips – inspired by her experiences, Westminster has been wondering what on earth will be in it.
And today it can be revealed that the novel – due to be published in May – is certainly the most X-rated depiction of the Palace of Westminster imaginable.
Couples romp on desks in their Commons offices, in the Press room... even at Chequers, where a bare bottom appears at a window, unnoticed o- by the partying throng g below.
One scene set to cause consternation involves a female
MP giving evidence to a select committee... while e being entertained by a remote-controlled sex toy – not something you’re ever r likely to read in Hansard.
The plot revolves around d three young women, all making kal their way in a political world full of chancers, corruption rmare and plain old incomwoman petence. The author notes: s: ‘ Beauty and youth and peachy asses have their own kind of power.’
Meanwhile there is an affectionate portrait of a shambling and scruffy MP, clearly based on her old boss, Boris; and a rather astonishing starring role for a mystifyingly sexy special adviser.
This character, who has a passion for getting about on a bike, appears to have been based on Miss Watson’s chum, adviser Dominic Cummings – the man who brought her into No10 in the first place. Of his appearance, it is said: ‘ The lilac shadows beneath his green eyes set off his olive skin.’ Not everyone’s idea of a swoonsome Byronic hero, perhaps.
The action takes place during a febrile leadership contest when the female prime minister (a decent if dull seemingly modelled on Theresa May, pictured) decides to stand down. There’s no hint of a pandemic, which Miss Watson may be saving for her next book.
In real life, Miss Watson – nicknamed The Gazelle – had a front-row seat as Covid-19 took hold, thanks to her role as the PM’s
‘ head of priorities and campaigns’. Miss Wat s o n wrote in Tatler last year: ‘My role at No10 sounds fancy, but a lot of the time I was much closer to being Boris’s nanny. At the start of the pandemic, testing was limited so, like everyone else, the PM regularly had his temperature taken to check for coronavirus symptoms.
‘This was generally done by me, towering over him (with or without heels – I generally found it useful to be physically intimidating in the role of nanny), one hand on a hip, teapot- style, and the other brandishing an oral digital thermometer. “It’s that time again, Prime Minister!” I’d say. Each time, never willing to miss a good slapstick opportunity, he dutifully feigned bending over.’ She left after a reported power struggle with Mr Johnson’s wife, Carrie, just two weeks after Mr Cummings departed.
She wrote: ‘(Boris Johnson) said a lot of things, the most succinct being: “I can’t look at you any more because it reminds me of Dom.
‘“It’s like a marriage has ended, we’ve divided up our things and I’ve kept an ugly old lamp. But every time I look at that lamp, it reminds me of the person I was with. You’re that lamp.”’
She’s now planning to write a second novel set during an election campaign.
The author is one of five high-flying sisters who were raised in a country pile in the Brecon Beacons.
Her sister Annabel was Theresa May’s chief of staff between 2006 and 2010.