‘ Society has a gun to its head. You’re either for children changing their gender, or you ’ are transphobic
In a powerful interview, the son of iconic photographer David Bailey describes how close he came to becoming a woman – and why he fears for other young people like him
and paid for a plane ticket to London at the terminal.’
He sought refuge with his parents, and says that they, along with everyone he knew, were ‘unbelievably supportive’ when he revealed his plans to change gender: ‘They were supportive to a fault.’
‘My mum was a bit confused, but definitely supportive, as was my brother, and my sister was super supportive,’ he says.
‘That’s wonderful on one level but I feel like that’s another issue — it’s almost like society has a gun to its head, because if they’re not supportive of it, the only choice is to be cancelled. You are either for it, or you’re transphobic; there is no middle ground.’
In fact, Sascha’s plans had to be put on pause because, anxious not to start hormone therapy until he could be sure that he had a second month’s supply from the NHS, he struggled to get an appointment.
‘So I guess you could say that the slowness of the NHS helped to save me,’ he says with a smile.
Back home, and with space to think, Sascha says he came to a realisation that changing his external identity was not going to resolve the complex feelings he had inside. He has been diagnosed with PTSD as a consequence of experiences within his marriage.
HeSaYS he realised two things: ‘One, there was no actual way I can know what it feels like to be a woman because I’d never been one, so the idea of me saying “Oh, I feel like a woman” was absurd.
‘and the second thing I came to realise was that I didn’t actually need to change my outside because of how I felt on the inside. I just needed to come to terms with it.’
None of this has been easy: having been suffused with what Sascha calls ‘gender euphoria’ — a sense of having a ‘ solution’ to his unhappiness — he now had to face the real world. ‘It meant I actually had to face my problems, and it floored me,’ he says.
It’s fair to say that process is ongoing; while Sascha is in a ‘much better’ place, he confides to still feeling rather lost.
‘Going through any traumatic experience takes time,’ he says. ‘I’m also having to confront the fact that ten years have gone, I’ve lost my home, we’d built up an art company together and that’s gone too.’
But family and friends are giving him time to lick his wounds.
‘I live with my parents at the moment, and they’ve been really understanding,’ he says.
So has his new partner Lucy, whom he credits with providing loving, non-judgmental support. ‘Lucy has saved my life in many ways,’ he says. ‘She’s such a fantastic person.’ They are shortly to move into a place of their own, and he plans to curate another art exhibition soon.
More than anything, he is glad that he did not take those first few tempting steps down the road to becoming a woman.
‘ Thank God I didn’t do the hormones, because within a few months you’re risking infertility and the thought that I could not have children is devastating,’ he says.
‘But it also shines a light on the uncomfortable reality, which is that we are asking kids aged 15 and 16 to make the choice about whether or not they will want children themselves and that just isn’t right.’
He acknowledges that his experience was at the extreme end in a society where, if you have money, you can pay to realise your dream without too many probing questions. Nonetheless, he believes his journey has huge resonance in the UK, where mounting numbers of young people are being diagnosed as transgender. ‘I wish everyone could just take a breath,’ he says.
‘I think we’re going to look back on this time and be shocked at how quickly we ran away with all this stuff. We need to allow people space and time to talk and explore their feelings before we rush them down the medical route.’
He also hopes that his story can be one of optimism to anyone who is struggling. ‘I still have some work to do,’ he says. ‘But after everything I’ve been through I’m so happy to be rebuilding my life.’