I lost so many loved ones I thought I must be cursed...
JERMAIN DEFOE on being plagued by personal heartache throughout his peak years… and how he now dreams of managing old club Tottenham
EVEN now, a mere ping on his phone is enough to fill Jermain Defoe with dread. ‘If someone messages me saying, “Can you call me ASAP?”, I panic and my heart drops,’ the former England striker tells Mail Sport.
‘I know what it feels like to have those messages and it is bad news.
‘Hopefully, one day I’ll be less paranoid. But you want people you love to be around for ever. When you have lost people, you don’t want to go through that again.’
Defoe’s fears date back to the four-year period at the peak of his playing career when he was hit by one tragedy after another.
First, his beloved grandmother Mary, who helped raise him along with his mother Sandra in Canning Town, passed away in 2008.
The following year, his halfbrother Gavin died in a street attack. Then, in 2012, he lost his father Jimmy to throat cancer, before his cousin Hannah was electrocuted in a pool on holiday.
‘I couldn’t understand what was going on,’ Defoe confesses in a candid new film about his life. ‘It was like, is this some sort of curse?’
The 41-year-old admits the death of his father — which occurred while he was with England in Poland at Euro 2012 — left him feeling ‘numb’. In his eponymous documentary, Defoe opens up about their estranged relationship in detail for the first time.
His dad, we learn, was a West Ham fan who spent matchdays in The Queens in Upton Park.
In one of the film’s most moving moments, the pub’s landlady recalls Jimmy telling punters how proud he was of his son — who he barely spoke to — as he broke into the Hammers first team.
‘I might have to pop in there and have a glass of orange juice and speak to her,’ the teetotal Defoe says with a smile, sitting underneath a poster of his film, which he later asks to keep.
‘The thing that has helped me is knowing that when he really needed me at the end, I was there. Before the Euros, Roy Hodgson said, “After training, go to the hospital and spend a few hours with him”. I was doing that every day.
‘After we flew to the Euros, I got a call saying he’d passed away. I came back for the funeral, then I flew back. It should have been one of the best moments of my life, being at a tournament with your country, but it was really hard.’
The heartbreak did not end there. In 2013, he thought he wass a father when ex- girlfriendd Annie-Marie Moore gave birth to a son. But just as he started to bond with the child, a DNA test proved the baby was not his.
‘Nothing can prepare you. I never thought people would take advantage to that level.’
Three years later, another little boy came into his life — Bradley Lowery, the six-year-old Sunderland fan who suffered from neuroblastoma.
Defoe follows their heartwarming friendship, including when he flew back from holiday to visit Bradley just days before he died in the arms of his parents in July 2017.
‘That relationship was really special,’ admits Defoe. ‘ He gave me such a good feeling. Maybe it was because of all the stuff I’d been through — with people trying to take advantage and that pain — then all of a sudden, I met someone and it was so genuine.
‘A person who just loves being around you and always seemed to have a smile when I walked in the room. When Brads passed away, it was really tough.’
Defoe was horrified by the sick behaviour of the Sheffield Wednesday fan who mocked Bradley’s death during a match against Sunderland in September. Dale Houghton, 32, was seen laughing hi as he taunted visiting fans by holding up an image of Bradley on his phone. He was given a 12-week suspended prison sentence.
‘I couldn’t believe it. I thought, “Am I actually seeing things? What kind of a world are we living in?” Surely, they have got family members with kids so can understand what Gemma and Carl (Bradley’s parents) had to go through.
‘Surely the human side of you would be like, “I can’t do that”. You need to have a conscience.’
DEFOE is ninth in the all-time list of Premier League top scorers with 162 goals. Not that he needs reminding of that. Defoe is a boffin when it comes to scoring statistics, which he demonstrates during a set of quickfire questions, declaring Andy Cole the most under-rated player in Premier League history.
‘187 goals,’ he says in an instant. ‘People don’t give him enough respect. Even when I see him now, I feel like a little kid.’
Such childlike enthusiasm is why Defoe found it so hard to retire from playing two years ago. Now, though, he believes he has found the next best thing working as a coach withw Tottenham’s Under 18s.
‘This is the nearest thing youy can get to playing — being in the building, still putting my boots on and kickinging balls. I’m enjoying learning from the coaches around me.’
Defoe has made no secret of his ambition ambiti to make it as a manager. But he has also been outspoken about the lack of opportunities for black bosses, which made him question a career in coaching.
‘I remember speaking to Sol Campbell, Dwight Yorke and a lot of players who I looked up to, big names, and they have had struggles getting jobs,’ he says.
‘Naturally, you do think, “Well, why would I be any different? What’s the point?” I don’t want to waste my time putting all the hard work in, completing all my badges, then not even getting interviews.
‘But then I look at someone like Chris Hughton, who has had an amazing career as a manager. I speak to him a lot about it and he always says, “Keep going and keep doing what you need to do. You will get an opportunity”. I’m doing whatever it takes so once I get that chance, I am ready.’
Defoe has already had conversations with some clubs. ‘Touching base, keeping in touch,’ he says.
What about his long- term ambitions? ‘It would be amazing to manage Tottenham,’ he adds. ‘The crazy thing about football is you never know. An opportunity could be around the corner.’