Daily Mail

The woman doing sign language tapped her forehead. It may have meant ‘this poor bloke’s off his rocker’

- SKETCH by QUENTIN LETTS

HUMZA Yousaf, Scotland’s First Minister, is a collector’s item. So wonderfull­y shifty! The lazy eyelids, the over-rehearsed concern, the selfglorif­ication, the blazing insincerit­y. It’s nearly enough – if only the SnP’s tax rates weren’t so stinging – to make a sketchwrit­er consider moving to Edinburgh.

Mr Yousaf held a press conference after the collapse of his coalition with the Greens. Earlier he had called in his two Green ministers and given them the boot. Or maybe that should be the gumboot. never share a bed with a vegetarian. Oldest rule in the book.

The two Greenies, robbed of their ministeria­l tandem, were hopping mad and stomped away from Bute House, the First Minister’s neo-classical Robert Adam mansion. An enterprisi­ng BBC reporter pursued the duo down the street while asking them questions. He was lucky not to find himself strangled by a peace-rainbow lanyard.

‘This is leadership!’ cried Mr Yousaf after summoning reporters to the drawing room that serves as Bute House’s media suite. He stood in front of the ornately mirrored Georgian fireplace where Alex Salmond quit in 2014.

An AnTIQUE vase was standing on the chimney-piece. Amazing it wasn’t smashed by the Greens as they left in a huff. ‘It was leadership,’ repeated Mr Yousaf. ‘I’ve not been pushed. I’m still First Minister of Scotland.’ So he was, though that did not stop this outsider from wondering how on earth the SnP ever chose such a cartoon charlatan in the first place.

‘I’m confident with that decision,’ said Mr Yousaf, affecting a smile. ‘ I’m pleased with that decision.’ And now he gritted his teeth to show how tough he was. A newshound asked if he had become a ‘lame-duck First Minister’. Mr Yousaf, just in case we had not heard him earlier: ‘not at all. This was leadership!’ The words came out of the right side of his mouth.

Beside him stood a sign-language interprete­r who tapped the sides of her forehead. This may have meant something in sign language or it may have been the universal signal for ‘poor bloke is off his rocker’.

Mr Yousaf, whose party will now try to govern with a minority in the Holyrood parliament, said it was ‘a privilege and a great joy to be First Minister’. This was uttered almost with a growl.

As an orator, he has acquired some of the mannerisms of his two predecesso­rs, Mr Salmond and nicola Sturgeon. He did some Sturgeon- style doubleboun­ces on the balls of his feet and he took a couple of shimmies forward and back, as she used to do.

His ‘let us all pause and reflect and rededicate ourselves’ was also straight from the Mistress McTermite book of tricks. She loved encouragin­g everyone else, except perhaps her husband, to ‘reflect’ on their actions. Then Mr Yousaf started saying that ‘governing as a minority will be hard’ and he did a chuckle that was pure Salmond.

The trouble is that he lacks the originalit­y of either of his predecesso­rs. This performanc­e felt derivative and therefore inauthenti­c. It was obvious that he was acting. The best politician­s manage to disguise that.

The right eye took a mind of its own and closed a couple of times even though the left eye remained open. Quite hard to do, is that.

His gaze acquired a worldweary quality as he listened to questions.

‘We will now step up our ambition,’ he said.

‘Today marks a new beginning. A parliament of minorities need not be a parliament of enemies.’ The government’s collapse was ‘a serious challenge to the opposition. Instead of sniping, it is

now time for the opposition to step up’. He tugged on his beard, took a deep slug of water and his right eye slid shut like one of the electric doors on the set of Star Trek. He

pointed the tips of his two forefinger­s at his lectern and said ‘this is leadership’. Moments later, he snapped ‘I have to go’ and shot from the room.

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 ?? ?? Collector’s item: Humza Yousaf yesterday
Collector’s item: Humza Yousaf yesterday

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