Hardcastle

FRENCH magazine Paris Match elevates the art of doctored Royal photographs to a new level with a portrait of 72-year-old Kate as Queen Mother in 2054. in a 200-page 75th birthday edition, it uses Ai to generate photographs and text in a tongue-incheek prediction of the Royal Family’s future, chronicling the abdication of King William in 2049, followed by the crowning of George Vii. it also tells its gullible Gallic readership that Meghan divorces Harry and marries a senator, who becomes us President. And what of Harry? He returns home with Archie and Lilibet and ends up running the garden at Highgrove.

HARMONY now reigns in the BBC Radio 4 Today studio between Justin Webb and Amol Rajan. Dubbed Posh Boy Webb and Diamond Geezer Rajan by former colleague Jon Sopel, the pair had a dispute about how to speak on air, with Amol accusing Justin of overusing his ‘received pronunciation’. Wailed Webb: ‘Amol doesn’t even like saying “Good morning”. He likes to say “Hello”.’ Mishal Husain, pictured, who also spouts RP like Justin, kept her head down during the ding-dong. Webb and Rajan have agreed to differ. ‘We have now kissed and made up,’ admits Posh Boy Webb.

ACCLAIMED for his acting prowess in breaking down as chris carson in BBc1’s the Responder, Martin Freeman tells Radio times that he has little sympathy for actors who become traumatised by roles, blaming it on latent guilt that we aren’t doing the back-breaking manual work our grandparents did. He adds: ‘if you are acting for a living, be on your knees daily, thanking God that you are not doing the jobs your grandparents had to.’

LABOUR leader Sir Keir Starmer claims to be ‘very concerned’ about historic cases of unpaid carers being forced to repay Carer’s Allowance money that was erroneously overpaid. If Starmer wants further particulars, he need not travel far. The relevant Whitehall mandarin between 2018 and 2022 was Nick Joicey – husband of a certain Rachel Reeves. His title was finance director of the Department for Work and Pensions. He is now second permanent secretary at the Department for Environment.

IN Alan Yentob’s new salman Rushdie documentary through A Glass Darkly, he uses cGi to recreate a fictional interview between salman and his knife assailant Hadi Matar, who answers one of Rushdie’s questions with ‘F*** you, Mr smarty Pants’. Almost as daft as the scene in W1A when Hugh Bonneville’s BBc executive finds Rushdie and Yentob arm wrestling in a meeting room.

SPARE a thought for Strictly judge Craig Revel Horwood who pines for a gong. ‘I would like be a Dame,’ he says modestly. ‘But I won’t get one. No darling, because of my chequered past. I should have never written that book.’ Tis in the title, Craig: All Balls And Glitter.