SON’S HASTY MARRIAGE IS SO UPSETTING

Dear Coleen

I’m really concerned about my son after he married his girlfriend while they were on holiday in the US. He’s a bit younger than her and I think he’s blinded by her confidence and beauty – he’s 26 and she’s 32. They’ve been together for about six months, but I suppose I never thought it was that serious – I certainly didn’t think in a million years they were at the marriage stage. I’ve tried to seem happy for them, as I don’t want to upset my son, but I’ve actually cried myself to sleep over it. I know virtually nothing about his new wife and we’ve never met any of her family. And when I suggested having a party so we could meet she shot me down, saying her parents were divorced and didn’t get on. I’ve since found out from a friend who taught her and her sisters at school that her parents are still together and are lovely people. Now I think she’s a liar and is trying to hide something – but what?

Coleen says

As a mum of two boys myself, I understand that you want to protect your son, but I think if it becomes obvious to him that you’re not keen on his wife, then you risk pushing him away. I think you have to give their marriage a chance and, if things do go wrong, then you can be there to support him and he can’t blame the fact you wouldn’t accept her. Give them time to build a relationship and be as reasonable as you can. Maybe she’ll surprise you and things will work out. As far as the mystery over her parents goes, bring it up in a non-confrontational way. Maybe she has issues with her mum and dad that she doesn’t feel ready to share yet. I don’t think meeting her parents for the first time at a big party is the way to go. Maybe suggest a small gathering where it’s just immediate family in a more relaxed setting.