CAUGHT HUBBY CHEATING ONLINE

Dear Coleen

I am at my wits’ end I and don’t know what to do. To cut a long story short, the effects of radiotherapy treatment means that sex is very painful for me to endure. I found out that my husband had joined an online dating site, so I signed up too. I then lured him in anonymously, getting him to chat to me. My friend has advised me not to tell him I know he’s on the site, but to trap him instead. He has cheated before and I forgave him. We are about to start counselling again (for the second time), so I don’t know whether to confront him about it now or leave it to see what happens at counselling. I really want to save my marriage, but am I just being naive about the whole thing?

Coleen says

If I had evidence, as you do, I’d have to confront my partner. I would ask him if he’s cheating and wait to see what his answer is, I expect he won’t count being on a dating site as cheating. If he denies it, then I’d tell him you know he’s been chatting to women online and you’re one of them! If you decide you still want to make a go of it after you’ve had that conversation, then it’s best to go into counselling with all your cards on the table. And both of you have to be prepared to be honest about everything, otherwise it’s pointless. Sex must be the last thing on your mind right now, knowing what he’s up to. But it’s worth seeing your GP to talk about what help might be available.