STRESSED BY MY TERRIBLE LIFE AT HOME

Dear Coleen

I feel my once happy life is a mess. My son and his girlfriend, who are in their twenties, live with me and pay rent, but are looking for their own flat. I got married in December and my husband gave up his house to move in with us. He hasn’t worked regularly since, while I’m putting in nine-hour days to pay the bills. His son, who is 22 and also doesn’t work, was visiting us several times a week for hours on end, expecting to be fed as he’d spent all his benefits money, and wanting to stay the night. When I said he couldn’t, my husband accused me of favouring my own son – but he pays rent and the house is already crowded. Now his son is due to be evicted and they both think I’m mean because I won’t let him move in. My husband also drinks every day and so does his son. I don’t want that. I’ve also recently had heart problems and have been told not to get stressed, but the situation at home isn’t helping. What should I do?

Coleen says

You have to stick to your guns and not get bullied into thinking what you’re doing is wrong. Hopefully, this will teach his son that he can’t spend all his benefit money because he needs to eat and he needs a roof over his head. It sounds as if he needs some tough love and if his dad won’t do it, then it has to fall to you. You need to ask your husband to back you up and explain that you’re not doing it out of spite, you’re doing it for all the right reasons. Also, you need to think about your health. And while we’re on that subject, your husband needs to start pulling his weight around the house if you are working, instead of sitting there drinking. Don’t fetch and carry for him – make him take some responsibility. What are you frightened of losing by putting your foot down? At the moment, all I think you’d be losing is a lot of stress. Good luck!