Daily Mirror (Northern Ireland)
I’m still hurt by her flirting after 60 years of marriage
Dear Coleen
Years ago while I was at college, my wife would openly flirt with men in front of me. It distressed me tremendously and I couldn’t help but wonder what she was doing when I was not with her. She was extremely beautiful when she was younger – even in her 50s she would get a lot of attention from men and it really upset me. I believe that faithfulness in marriage is extremely important and when I saw her flirting openly with other men it would crush me. I can’t say with complete confidence that she cheated on me, but neither can I be sure that she didn’t! We are still together after more than 60 years, yet in my retirement these images of her flirting are still with me. When we were both much younger and I saw men hitting on her, I had a good measure of confidence that she was mine and we went home together at the end of the day. But I suppose, over time, I’ve started to wonder how such a beautiful woman would want me! I realise these are my insecurities to deal with and I don’t want to go to my grave with all this stuff still on my mind. I have been a counsellor during my career, but it is far easier to deal with someone else’s problems than my own! It’s still eating me up. Any helpful words would be appreciated.
Coleen says
Well I know how hard it is to take your own advice! Of course it’s easier to deal with other people’s problems because you’re not emotionally involved and can be objective and logical, so don’t give yourself a hard time about that. Your wife has stayed with you for 60 years, so in my opinion that shows a woman who definitely wants to be with you. Perhaps she has always been flirtatious, but the good thing is she didn’t try to hide it – she did it in front of you. If she was seriously interested in someone or was having an affair, I doubt she’d have been so open. I’m a huge flirt, but if my husband had ever said to me that it bothered him, then I wouldn’t do it, which makes me wonder if you’ve ever actually spoken to your wife about it. If you haven’t, I think you should. Tell her that the way she acted still bothers you after all these years and you feel insecure as a result. Hopefully she’ll have words of reassurance. But I think that if she had been unfaithful you would have found out by now. And she maybe assumed her flirting never bothered you if you never brought it up. Perhaps you’ve always felt in her shadow, but I think you should have more confidence as you captured the heart of this gorgeous woman and she’s still with you after all this time.