SCARED OF LOSING CHEATING WIFE

Dear Coleen

I’ve known for a while that my wife of 12 years has been sleeping with another man. He’s younger than her and they work together. She’s tried to cover her tracks, but not very successfully – I’ve found messages between them and discovered she’s not been where she says she’s been. My brother also told me he saw them together in a bar, so I’m sure other people know about the affair too. They’re not exactly being discreet. I’m heartbroken, but I can’t bring myself to talk to her about it because I’m worried she’ll leave me. She’s everything to me and I still love her despite what she’s doing. I can’t confide in anyone about this and don’t know what to do. I’d appreciate your opinion.

Coleen says

I’ve known several people – all women – who’ve known their partner or husband is cheating and have done nothing about it. Their attitude has been – as long as he’s being discreet I’ll turn a blind eye. If that’s what you really want to do, that’s no one’s business but yours. I couldn’t do that. If I had evidence my partner was cheating, I’d have to confront him. You have to think about your self-esteem and your future. Could you really be happy knowing what she’s doing? And, from what you’ve said, she’s not really being that discreet. I think you ought to tell her what you know. Make her aware she’s not pulling the wool over your eyes. You know exactly what she’s up to. But also tell her you want to save your marriage. Try to get her to be honest about why she’s cheating and how she sees your relationship going in the future. Then only you can decide what you’re prepared to put up with to keep her.