Fly me to the loon who thinks Heathrow doc is gripping

Well, I think I owe the Eastenders writers an apology after I ridiculed Denise’s pasta-based cliffhanger last week. If ITV’S documentary Heathrow: Britain’s Busiest Airport is anything togo by, the lack-of-any-suspensewhatsoever look is in right now. It could be that the team behind this poorly disguised puff piece for Heathrow’s expansion plans realised there was actually nothing new going on, so they tried to spice things up. Either way, here’s what we were meant to give a flying wotsit about. Would toilet engineers Vic and John find out where the foul smell in Terminal 3 was coming from? (Are the inflight caterers based there? If not, I’m guessing a leaking toilet.) Would the passenger who dropped his £10,000 engagement ring get it back in time to perform his marriage proposal? (One, he’s probably insured. Two, surely she’s better off without a clown who keeps a ten grand ring loose in his pocket anyway.) Would the bride-to-be be allowed to take her wedding dress in the cabin or would the airline prefer to have and to hold it in the hold? (Dunno. But given all the fuss that she made I’m guessing it would have been looked after just fine.) And would Scott the sewage engineer manage to clean all the raw sewage off the giant underground pumps with his high pressure hose before the air in his tank ran out? (I don’t care. I’ve just had dinner.) To be honest, the only question I wanted answering was why the narrator called it “Europe’s busiest airport” but the programme title described it as Britain’s busiest. Was ITV worried about upsetting the 52% or something?

ALL GO At Heathrow