SEX WITH MY NEW BLOKE IS SO PAINFUL

Dear Coleen

I have been with a guy for about six months. He’s lovely and has a heart of gold, but my problem is he wants sex all the time. I have recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and find intercourse painful as my legs and my back are in permanent pain. I have tried to explain what I have and how painful it is, but I don’t think it sinks in. He can be demanding and usually gets his way, but when I say no, I feel guilty. How do I try to work out a compromise and get it through to him how much pain I’m in? Hope you can help me.

Coleen says

You might need to go into more detail about your condition and the impact it has on you physically. My friend also has fibromyalgia and I didn’t realise how painful and debilitating it can be until she explained – some days she can’t get out of bed and had to give up her job as a result. So it’s important for him to understand that you’re not using it as an excuse. It took my friend a few years to work out the best ways of controlling her pain. As you’ve only been recently diagnosed, it might be a question of trying different things – conventional drugs and alternative treatments and techniques. Discuss it with your doctor. In terms of compromising over sex, if you want to make love but are going through a bad phase with your condition, there are other things you can do in bed that don’t involve penetrative sex.