JUST DISCOVERED HE’S A LIAR

Dear Coleen

My boyfriend and I have been together a year, but over the past few months we’ve hit a few problems regarding his ex. They have four children together, so they have to be in contact and I understand that. However, they’ve been arguing a lot. My partner has always made out he’s the victim and claimed she’s stopped him from seeing his children. I’ve had no contact with his ex as I don’t feel it’s anything to do with me. But I became suspicious about his story, so looked through his phone. I know this was wrong, but I discovered he’s been lying to me. She hasn’t stopped him from seeing the kids at all. He’s been coming up with ridiculous excuses not to see them and making her look like the bad one. He’s also been very aggressive and verbally abusive towards his ex and others. We can’t have a night out without him arguing with someone. How can I bring it up with him without him flying off the handle?

Coleen says

It looks like you’ve discovered his true colours. It’s all very well bringing this up with him, but you need to ask yourself how do you feel about staying with someone who’s lied to you and is also hurting his kids? If he’s inclined to fly off the handle, there’s probably no way of doing it without him reacting badly. I expect he’ll blame you, blame his ex and blame everyone but himself. You just have to explain that you looked at his phone because his story wasn’t ringing true and, as the situation was putting pressure on your relationship, you wanted to know the truth. You need to know why he lied. It sounds like he needs angermanagement counselling. You’ve only been together a year, so you’re still in the ‘honeymoon phase’, but how long will it be before he starts being aggressive towards you?