HIS MUM AND EX ARE STILL REALLYCLOSE

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and so far it’s been good – apart from one thing. His mum and his ex are still incredibly close, which makes me feel like I’m stepping on his ex-girlfriend’s toes if I try to be closer to his mother. And his mother still shares everything to do with his ex and his ex’s family on Facebook. It’s my first serious relationship, so I feel like I want to be closer to her without feeling like I’m trying to replace my boyfriend’s ex. Do you have any advice? I don’t want to break up with him but I just feel so uncomfortable around his mum, which isn’t a good foundation for a relationship.

Coleen says

I’ve been that “mother in law” I guess in that I’ve really liked some of my boys’ ex-girlfriends and have kept in touch with them via Instagram or Facebook. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love the people they’re with now. I’d say his mum probably doesn’t realise how much it’s affecting you. If you get on OK with her, you could just drop into the conversation that sometimes it feels like you’ll never replace his ex because she still seems to be a big part of their lives. That might be enough to make her stop and think. It’s hard to just switch off a relationship with someone you’ve grown fond of, but as all your lives move on, I’m pretty sure his mum and his ex will gradually stop being so close. You have to keep in mind she is an ex for a reason and if your boyfriend wanted to be with her he would. But he’s chosen you. Let him know, too, that the situation sometimes makes you feel insecure and hopefully he’ll give you the reassurance that you are needing.