MY HUSBAND IS MENTALLY ABUSING ME

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my husband for 33 years and married for 15 years. I think I’m being mentally abused as, according to him, everything is always my fault. I can’t have a glass of wine without him calling me an alcoholic and I’m not allowed to have fun with my sister, even though she lives 250 miles away and I only see her every few months. I can’t even have my hair cut and I have no friends. He treats me like rubbish. I lost both parents recently, but he just goes out all the time because he says he can’t put up with me grieving. We also have a son with special needs and he does nothing for him. I don’t know what to do.

Coleen says

On a positive note, you’ve recognised you’re being emotionally and mentally abused. You have to ask yourself – what am I going to lose if I walk out of this marriage tomorrow? From what you’ve said, the only thing you’ll lose is a horrible person who’s battering your selfworth on a daily basis. He does nothing to make you happy – he’s not even a good father. The trouble is, after years of this treatment you get to a point where you do start questioning yourself and believe what he’s saying. It’s good to get another perspective from someone who’s not emotionally involved and that’s where counselling can be beneficial. Why not start with bereavement counselling (cruse.org.uk)? It doesn’t sound as if you’ve been allowed to grieve for your parents. Getting professional advice should also give you the courage to take control of your situation. The Citizens Advice Bureau has good advice on ending a marriage (adviceguide.org.uk) – and it’s free. Also, visit National Family Mediation (nfm.org.uk).