EX THINKS I MADE SON HATE HIM

Dear Coleen

I was with my son’s father for 18 years, but we split up two and a half years ago. I haven’t seen him since then, although we’ve spoken. He blames me for everything and won’t take any responsibility for his part in our split. Our son has special needs and I’ve been the main person in his life for 22 years. He’s not seen his dad in ages and he’s not keen on him, and my ex blames me for that. The thing is, I’m still in love with my ex, but he has someone else now. Can I get him back? I don’t know what to do.

Coleen says

First of all, even if you have a really good reason to bad mouth your ex in front of your son because of the way he’s treated you, it’s not a good idea. I don’t believe in using kids as a weapon when a relationship breaks down, and they deserve to have a father/son relationship that’s separate from everything that’s happened. Kids are good at working out situations for themselves, but I’m sure he still loves his dad, despite it all. If you can start to repair that side of things, I think that would be a good thing for all of you. I also think you need to start moving on with your life after two and half years. Your ex has moved on and you deserve happiness too. But holding on to the past and hoping he’ll come back will just keep you in this rut and prevent you from having a good life. If you don’t feel you can get past this on your own, then think about counselling to offload all those toxic emotions. Good luck.