GUILTY ABOUT LEAVING MY BABY’S FATHER

Dear Coleen

I have decided to leave my baby’s father. We sleep in separate rooms, hardly talk and he doesn’t support us financially or emotionally. For the past 11 months I’ve done everything for my child while he does nothing. I have tried really hard to fix things because of our son, but he won’t listen and I can’t do it any more. He seems agreeable at the moment, but me leaving will result in moving 60 miles away with our son. I’m worried about what his parents will say as they love our son so much. I feel very guilty and it eats me up every time I look at our little boy. I don’t know how to cope with the guilt and worry that my son’s dad and his parents will try to make things difficult for me. This is the last thing I wanted to do, but it’s the best thing for us.

Coleen says

You’ve tried really hard to make it work and now you’ve made your decision to leave, so stick by it. I think it all comes down to reassurance and putting plans in place for your partner and his parents to see your son. Why not write to his parents and explain your reasons, but that you want them to be as involved as possible in their grandson’s life and then suggest sitting down with them to work out how that can happen. Regular visits and Skype calls are both possible. You’re only 60 miles away – that’s around an hour’s drive, so it’s not so bad. And the same goes for your soon-to-be ex partner. Make it clear that you don’t want to prevent him seeing his son. Trust me, it is possible to split up and still be excellent parents and work together for the good of your son, but you have to separate it from your relationship.